A friend, who happens to be an “ex” from many moons ago and I were talking in depth about an ex-wife spilling the less-than-beautiful beans about her husband on Youtube. My thought is this: Speaking negatively & publicly about an ex-mate really speaks negatively about you. Not that what happened didn’t hurt. I can attest that it does! But how you handle what happens helps others and you heal. When you take to the World Wide Web or other mediums to air your dirty laundry no one comes out of the wash clean…not you, your ex, your children, your family members or anyone connected to the situation. It just becomes a big, old wet mess!
When you talk badly about your exes it can say one or a few things:
- You haven’t healed enough to handle the issues maturely.
- You need a better spiritual and social support team to guide you on how to constructively share what you’ve endured.
- You don’t believe better is an option and chose to live in the past.
- You ignored the warning signs before it happened, or as it happened.
- You’ve been poised to learn a lesson to help you or others in later relationships.
Should a person have the right to tell his or her story? Absolutely, it is your story. But how you share, at what point you share, with what motives you share and what good comes out of what is shared is the difference maker. Any good counselor would tell you that you should take advantage of help that’s offered when relationships end. Sometimes that help is simply in being equipped to be able to know when to speak out and when to stay silent until the pain no longer speaks louder than the message of healing, victory, redemption or growth you’re meant to share.
Ask me about any of my past “lessons in love and life teachers” and you won’t hear any negative news about any of them from me. Why? Because I know better, and I know that speaking negatively doesn’t make things or me better. Try as hard as you may, but as far as I’m concerned I wasn’t perfect and neither were they. If I decide to tell it, you better believe I’m going to tell it relating to all parties involved (that includes me), and in a manner that in the end God gets the glory.
I’m still striving and thriving, and doing a pretty good job at it so, in spite of whatever happened, some good had to have come out of each and every man to which I chose to open my heart. If I do decide to speak on any person I’ve associated with it’ll be with their prior knowledge and I’ll be spilling the beans more on the blessings than our business:)
So…to all the men I’ve loved before…my lip glossed lips are sealed. Your secret’s safe with me! (Do me a favor. Return the favor:-)