Don’t Confuse My Confidence

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An associate told me that if she lived the life I’d lived she’d be “happy and confident all the time too”. The mere sound of that comment sent my mind into the kind of flashback only found in a bootleg B-movie. I wanted to say, “First of all, I’m not happy all the time. However, I do try to keep my confidence and composure in tact!” But I didn’t respond in anger. Instead I reminded myself of my resume, my reactions and the Reason behind them all.

Yes, I am confident. Not just because Sylvester and Angennetta Scott reared me that way, but because every day I have an Assurance that’s out of this world, in charge of this world and involved in my world:) His name is Jesus.

Only He could keep me confident in the midst of childhood illnesses too many to name and adult issues too many to number including losing hair, gaining weight, a disfigured arm, an ill-functioning leg, an eye coming out of the socket,  a near fatal disease with heart attack level blood pressure warranting 17 pills a day, mini-surgeries, major surgeries and just about everything in between. He kept me confident enough to keep going through the brutal murder of my first love, enough broken heart stories to fill a spicy New York Times Best selling book, being a C-average student that was talked about for being too tall, too skinny and having lips and a head that were too big for my body. No one but Jesus could keep me assured that things can and will get better through death of loved ones and watching the struggle of others, a divorce that lead to no job, no insurance, no benefits and no church all in one day, spending thousands to have a baby that wasn’t a part of God’s plans, being mistreated and misunderstood by people I would have to forgive and allow back in my life, walking away from the career path (and salary) I wanted to pursue what God said only to find that to be short-lived and choosing to get up everyday and LIVE on days when I’d rather hide out under a rock. Are you seeing where I’m going? Better yet, are you seeing where I’ve been?

I’ve learned that life is not about what happens. It’s about Who you have when it happens that keeps you assured. So please don’t dare confuse my confidence. My confidence flourishes not because of anything that I’ve done. It also doesn’t flounder because of anything that’s been done to me. My confidence is alive and well because of Who’s alive in me making all things work out for my good!

-Angela Moore

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