Get Rid of the “Do It All” Disease

There’s something about a “do it all” that makes life very interesting.  You know the kind of person that has his or her hands in a little bit or this and a little bit of that and views the word “no” as a foreign language. 

The thing about a “do it all” is that, despite our greatest efforts some things still don’t get done, and what is accomplished often comes at the expense of our own mental, physical or financial health.  Well aware that I’ve been a “do it all” all my life,  I share these sentiments with the greatest level of understanding…get rid of the “do it all” disease!

The first step to our cure is taking on a dose of “no”.  Sometimes we simply have to say “no” or “not right now” and be okay with it.  I’ve learned that N-O is a two letter word for a reason.  Just two letters should make it easier for you to say and walk away (not literally, but you catch what I’m saying?) The next step is sharing the load.  Through trial and error I’ve figured out that if we could do it all alone it would get done.  That’s why people with the “do it all” disease often find themselves coming up short in one area because of time devoted to another.  We need help!  I’m sure we all know the person with the flourishing career and failed marriage.  Jesus was the perfect example of sharing the load.  He was the greatest Man to ever walk the face of the earth and yet, everywhere He walked He had a team of people walking with Him to help carry out His purpose.  Lastly, and probably most important is what I’d like to call “rest-ation”.  Yes, that’s a homemade word, but I’m sure you know what I mean.  “Rest-ation” is a vacation for your body and mind.  The key to healing from any physical ailment is rest.  The same is so for “do it alls”.  We have to rest, without fail, without excuse and without reservation.  Sometimes we have to tell our minds to shut down before our bodies take the lead.  

The secret many “do it alls” don’t want to accept is that long after we’re long gone the work, events, errands, housework, social scenes, carpooling, athletic events, etc., etc. etc. will still be there. We might as well get rid of the “do it all” disease and be there with them.

 

Don’t Confuse My Confidence

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An associate told me that if she lived the life I’d lived she’d be “happy and confident all the time too”. The mere sound of that comment sent my mind into the kind of flashback only found in a bootleg B-movie. I wanted to say, “First of all, I’m not happy all the time. However, I do try to keep my confidence and composure in tact!” But I didn’t respond in anger. Instead I reminded myself of my resume, my reactions and the Reason behind them all.

Yes, I am confident. Not just because Sylvester and Angennetta Scott reared me that way, but because every day I have an Assurance that’s out of this world, in charge of this world and involved in my world:) His name is Jesus.

Only He could keep me confident in the midst of childhood illnesses too many to name and adult issues too many to number including losing hair, gaining weight, a disfigured arm, an ill-functioning leg, an eye coming out of the socket,  a near fatal disease with heart attack level blood pressure warranting 17 pills a day, mini-surgeries, major surgeries and just about everything in between. He kept me confident enough to keep going through the brutal murder of my first love, enough broken heart stories to fill a spicy New York Times Best selling book, being a C-average student that was talked about for being too tall, too skinny and having lips and a head that were too big for my body. No one but Jesus could keep me assured that things can and will get better through death of loved ones and watching the struggle of others, a divorce that lead to no job, no insurance, no benefits and no church all in one day, spending thousands to have a baby that wasn’t a part of God’s plans, being mistreated and misunderstood by people I would have to forgive and allow back in my life, walking away from the career path (and salary) I wanted to pursue what God said only to find that to be short-lived and choosing to get up everyday and LIVE on days when I’d rather hide out under a rock. Are you seeing where I’m going? Better yet, are you seeing where I’ve been?

I’ve learned that life is not about what happens. It’s about Who you have when it happens that keeps you assured. So please don’t dare confuse my confidence. My confidence flourishes not because of anything that I’ve done. It also doesn’t flounder because of anything that’s been done to me. My confidence is alive and well because of Who’s alive in me making all things work out for my good!

-Angela Moore

A Letter to the Young Ladies

Being in college, in your 20’s or out of your parent’s home is fun, but there’s a lot of other STUFF that comes along with it that isn’t! As I was driving to work one morning I thought about what I would have wanted someone to say to me (or wish I would have listened to from those who actually said it), about the practical parts of life after high school and before the official start of the “grown with a husband, a house, responsibilities, children and a job” world.

A recent trip to a high school basketball tournament where far too many of the young ladies were scantily clad, feisty (not is a good way) and clearly unaware of their inner and outer beauty reinforced the need for me to share this post again.

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So here’s what I would have said to the tall, scrawny teenage girl who helped me become the woman I am today through trial and a lot of error. Here’s what I would also say to any young lady making her way through this often crazy thing called life.

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  • Love who you are. You can’t expect love from others if you don’t extend it to yourself.
  • The tears you cry today will either make sense or make you stronger.
  • Save some money. Get an education. Learn to cook. Learn how to change a tire.
  • Shopping on a budget is beautiful.
  • Pace yourself with food. One day the pounds can catch up with you.
  • There’s a good chance that the love of your life right now won’t be the love of your life forever…and that’s okay.
  • Learn from each association. Always do a self-check and continually prepare yourself for who and what God desires for you.
  • Demand that a young man is nothing less than his best. Settling is for pilgrims. He should pursue you, respect you and help bring out the best in you, point blank, period.
  • It’s never too late to ask for help. It’s better to ask and receive than need and not get.
  • Your friends today can be your friends for a lifetime…good or bad. Choose wisely.
  • You’re worth WAY more than you know. One day you’ll know it and want to make sure your life shows it.
  • Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone to grow and know people who aren’t like you, but can teach you a thing or two.
  • Some of the best friendships will be born when bad relationships die.
  • One day, through age, illness, and plain old life you may not be as cute as you are today. Always make sure character, class and couth remain in tact.
  • Keep your clothes on please.
  • Never be afraid of being unique. If you don’t speak like, think like, act like, or look like everyone else consider that an honor.
  • People will never forget what you do, one way or the other. Make sure what they remember is a true, good reflection of who you are.
  • Don’t gossip, be a bully, be messy, negative or angry all the time,
  • Smile often and laugh even more.
  • Never lose sight of your own purpose and dreams. You were born for a specific reason.

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@AngelaMMoore316

We All Need Balance Because Chaos Isn’t Cute

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We all need balance because chaos isn’t cute! God did not intend for our lives to be filled with chaos, tension, confusion, frustration, and spiritual defeat. Two of my favorite Scriptures from the Bible say “With God ALL things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26) and “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things will be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33).

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When we Seek God’s Kingdom and His righteousness, our day(s) will go more smoothly and we will be able to say YES to the things we need to and say NO to the things we do not need to do. More importantly, we’ll be able to handle any unexpected challenges with more peace and poise. In the hustle and bustle of the world around us, as easy as that’s said, it’s often difficult to do. So how do we do make sure we enjoy the beauty of balance with calm and no chaos?

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  • Pray…before you say Yes.
  • Practice saying No to the unnecessary so you’ll be ready when you need to. Look in the mirror and say No 10 times. Do this every day for a week, or for as long as you need to to get used to using it. (I know it sounds silly!)
  • Make a “To Do List.” Do this the night before you go to bed. Share the list with the Lord. Ask Him to direct you as to what’s important and what’s not.
  • Shut down your brain from time-to-time.
  • Learn to laugh at things that made you cry.
  • Pace yourself making sure to allow time for the unexpected. It will happen, just don’t let it get the best of you.
  • Always include fun time, personal time and family time in your “To Do List.” Have standing appointments with family and friends.
  • Remember you’re not Superman or the Bionic Woman. Even they had super friends to help them. Get help when you need it.
  • Do not agree to do something for the wrong reasons. You’ll regret it from the beginning, in the middle and in the end.
  • Have a system of relaxation and refreshing in place. Use it and stick to it.
  • Lastly, always remember the order of life: God first, self second and family third. All else will simply have to get in where it fits in.

@AngelaMMoore316

Bama Football: It’s More Than a Game

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Typing this post as a fully converted football fan who, until four years ago despised the sport, I realized something about the state of football in the state of Alabama. Yes, it’s about touchdowns. Yes, it’s about century-old rivalries. Yes, it’s about team colors and mascots, scores and superstars in the making, but it’s more than that. It’s more than a game. It’s a movement subconsciously (and successfully) meant to build bridges.

To me, Bama football is about a state being able to work towards working past its self-inflicted wounds to win, not just on the field, but in humanity with a piece of pigskin, a crowded stadium, and four quarters as a backdrop. I know we’re not all the way there, but I believe something happens on a Saturday afternoon in the fall or Monday night in the winter that causes us to inch one yard closer to the goal of where we should be…and that’s together. Say what you want about the state of Alabama. It’s your prerogative. I admit, we are flawed, for sure. But in all of our imperfections change has and always will happen right here. So call me optimistic. Call me crazy even, but there’s something about a people (and I mean all of us that call this great state and its great teams home) that can press through its own array of shenanigans for the sake of something greater, whether we know that’s what we’re doing or not. Am I saying football is the cure to world hatred or an anecdote to peace? Am I saying as a state we’ve “overcome”? No, but when blacks, whites, browns and all others can come together over crimson, white, orange, blue, black, yellow, maroon, silver or green that speaks volumes sometimes much louder and always much more powerful than a hate-filled bullhorn from 1963 or a hate-filled social media rant from 2014.

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When I stroll through the local Wal-mart on a Saturday afternoon and see the twinkle in the eye of an elderly man of a different race who smiles and nods his head at me, clearly because I’m reppin’ UA in my latest T-shirt selection I feel good! When I have a lengthy conversation with the environmental services men at work about the defense vs offense of our favorite hometown teams I feel empowered! When the masses are cheering on the Alabama State Stingettes or the Honey Bees in their new stadium, or when we can boldly say that this state has been a National Champion or Championship contender for as long as I’ve been loving football I feel proud! When men and women, regardless of their school of choice, are wanting badly for Cam Newton to continue to make the Tigers proud with his professional skills (and lovely looking suits) I get a glimpse of the sensation that is Alabama football. When my social network feed is flooded with posts and pictures from people of all colors and all walks of life collectively supporting any local team with a capital “A” somewhere in their name it makes me amazed! When tailgating, game-day fashion shows, concerts, humanitarian efforts, social functions, and anything else centered around football are becoming more of a masterfully crafted mosaic of colors blending perfectly together that makes me hopeful! When I realize that not too many years ago NONE OF THIS would have happened here it makes me proud of my sweet home Alabama!

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@AngelaMMoore316

To All the Men I’ve Loved Before

A friend, who happens to be an “ex” from many moons ago and I were talking in depth about an ex-wife spilling the less-than-beautiful beans about her husband on Youtube. My thought is this: Speaking negatively & publicly about an ex-mate really speaks negatively about you. Not that what happened didn’t hurt. I can attest that it does! But how you handle what happens helps others and you heal. When you take to the World Wide Web or other mediums to air your dirty laundry no one comes out of the wash clean…not you, your ex, your children, your family members or anyone connected to the situation. It just becomes a big, old wet mess!

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When you talk badly about your exes it can say one or a few things:

  1. You haven’t healed enough to handle the issues maturely.
  2. You need a better spiritual and social support team to guide you on how to constructively share what you’ve endured.
  3. You don’t believe better is an option and chose to live in the past.
  4. You ignored the warning signs before it happened, or as it happened.
  5. You’ve been poised to learn a lesson to help you or others in later relationships. 

Should a person have the right to tell his or her story? Absolutely, it is your story. But how you share, at what point you share, with what motives you share and what good comes out of what is shared is the difference maker. Any good counselor would tell you that you should take advantage of help that’s offered when relationships end. Sometimes that help is simply in being equipped to be able to know when to speak out and when to stay silent until the pain no longer speaks louder than the message of healing, victory, redemption or growth you’re meant to share. 

Ask me about any of my past “lessons in love and life teachers” and you won’t hear any negative news about any of them from me. Why? Because I know better, and I know that speaking negatively doesn’t make things or me better. Try as hard as you may, but as far as I’m concerned I wasn’t perfect and neither were they. If I decide to tell it, you better believe I’m going to tell it relating to all parties involved (that includes me), and in a manner that in the end God gets the glory.

I’m still striving and thriving, and doing a pretty good job at it so, in spite of whatever happened, some good had to have come out of each and every man to which I chose to open my heart. If I do decide to speak on any person I’ve associated with it’ll be with their prior knowledge and I’ll be spilling the beans more on the blessings than our business:)

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So…to all the men I’ve loved before…my lip glossed lips are sealed. Your secret’s safe with me! (Do me a favor. Return the favor:-)

@AngelaMMoore316

Go Back and Say Thank You

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Often in life, distance, life changes, unexpected or even unfortunate situations can cause us to forget the great impact people might have had on us. As humans, we sometimes take for granted just how much of an influence people we no longer see on a regular basis have been in our lives. From the relatives that taught us values and virtues, to the first childhood friend that loved us unconditionally, to the teacher that nurtured one of our gifts, the ministers that helped save our family or the employer who gave us a chance, we tend to forget just how great a part of our life’s puzzle some actually were.

I was watching a reality show recently, when the star made a point to reference that one of the co-stars had been a friend since high school and had helped him tremendously. They both worked in the same industry. The star had excelled to great heights, and his friend hadn’t yet. The star wanted to show his appreciation by giving the friend a platform through his show. I thought that was amazing!

There are so many people I would like to go back and thank. Holidays and special days like Thanksgiving make the thought of those who have helped shaped me sing from my heart more than normally. As I edit this previously posted blog post, while watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade I think of my maternal grandparents and the many, many 4th Thursdays in November I spent with them piled in a home with up to 20 adults and children watching the parade, going to the Turkey Day Classic Parade and Game, and enjoying dinner that lasted for days. They, along with my parents, paternal grandmother and other older relatives really taught me about the love of and support for family.

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I think about my bestie, Edith Arms, whom I’ve known since 1977 in kindergarten who served as my bodyguard and became my best friend for life; to my 5th grade math teacher Mrs. Gladys Williams, who taught me that being Black in a predominantly white school was not only okay, but that it could be pretty cool; to the people from my former churches, Greater Shiloh, New Hope or Mt. Zion who developed my love for Christ and passion for public speaking, taught me event organization or allowed me a platform to grow and give; to the college professor, Mr. Paul Delaney who exposed me to the wonderful world of journalism, and the hospital president Mr. Charlie Faulkner that fussed at me for not taking digital photos correctly which led to my love of pictures! Through God’s guidance, all of these people, and so many more played a major role in helping make me who I am. I would like to take this time now to say “Thank You”.
Who helped you become you? Who was instrumental in your life? When was the last time you went back to thank those who helped you go forward? On this day of Thanksgiving, whether they are in Heaven or within reach, today is a good day to go back and say “Thank You”.

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@AngelaMMoore316

My Friends are Like Good Gumbo

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In honor of National Best Friends Day I did the Diddy on this post (remixed it) and am telling the world about my super best friend!

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The path to joy and happiness is made so much richer by the hands and hearts that help you get there. The only problem is, sometimes it’s hard to put yourself in position to receive the right people to walk that path with you, even if their strut is different from yours. Being a friend can be hard. You have to be open, honest, transparent, willing to listen, and available to build/maintain relationships. That can be challenging even for the friendliest people. It can be even harder to trust friends to walk all the way with you without letting thoughts of cynicism and fear creep in. Especially as women, we sometimes buy into the myth that women can’t be friends. That’s not so, I tell you. It’s simply not so.

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I’ve been blessed with many amazing friends in my life. In hindsight, I’ve come to appreciate that most of them are not like me on the surface, but are exactly who they are to help me become who I’m supposed to be. We’re all similarly different in our own right and that’s not a bad thing. I like to think of us like a pot of gumbo made with a lot of different ingredients that often don’t taste as good alone, but are scrumptious together. Our personalities, pasts, careers, social statuses, history together and the likes, are a hodge-podge of different types. But when you mix us all together we’re all that God desires us to be for each other and that makes us as good as gumbo!

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My best friend since Kindergarten, Edith A. Arms, is a staple in my gumbo. If I were to categorize her in my mix of “good gumbo” friends, she’d be the spicy, Andouille sausage that’s a must in any real, true gumbo. Some people can’t handle true, authentic Andouille and that’s simply because they’re not supposed to:) Since 1977 she’s paved the way for my perception on what a real “tried and true, through the good and bad, keep my secrets, ‘nobody better talk about her to me or me to her’, tell me the truth whether I like it or not, don’t talk everyday because we don’t have to, going in different directions and always end up besties” friend should be. For that, I’m grateful!

(I saved the best picture for last. Oh to be a teenager with big, beach hair on a church-sponsored vacation in a too small, inappropriate swimsuit again. Those were the days…LOL!)

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-Angela Moore

 

Let Bygones Be Bygones

Failed relationships!!! The time has come to take a good look at our relationships to see what went wrong & why. Be it romantic, church, family, work or social the common denominator in them all was YOU. Stop using social media & other modes to stir up surface issues. Go deeper. Look at yourself.

Is the problem them or could it be you? What did you do right? What did you do wrong? What should you learn? Who should you let go? God and you make a decision and stick with it. But whatever you do, stop the spread of negativity! Negativity is like a nasty virus spreading to all you come in contact. You never know who you’re infecting. If you had a cold you’d have to COVER YOUR MOUTH. Enough said…(literally!)

Stop placing blame. Stop hiding behind cynical remarks and inappropriate feelings expressed prematurely or immaturely through the World Wide Web. Thank God for the experience and learn from what happened. God and you decide if you should stay and what you should say. Then if God says go, go where you can grow, pray for the healing of all involved and let bygones be bygones.

I Can’t Dance

A couple of years ago, while driving home snapping my fingers to a CD I had a shocking revelation. I can’t dance!!! Yep, you read correctly. At the tender age of 40ish I realize that I can’t keep a beat on my feet…or in a seat. As if posting this blog post two years ago wasn’t enough, the blatant reminder that I can’t dance further hit home while I was at a recent comedy show and one of my favorite songs out of New Orleans from the late 90’s came on. I tried my best to do as the song instructed. But I couldn’t. I literally couldn’t do it. (I won’t tell you the song, but I’ll just say that the rappers name is very child-like, Wodie…LOL!)

I used to be able to sweat my hair like the best of them, but somehow, somewhere that ability to boogie escaped me.

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I started reflecting on the other little “secrets” that make me Me. And after all these years I’ve realized that they no longer embarrass, but I choose to embrace.

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1. I Can’t Dance-Initially in the car and comedy club this bothered me, but I have to be real, God probably dissolved my dancing so I wouldn’t use it for evil…tehehehe!
2. I Can’t See in Sunglasses-There’s not ever a threat of me being a rapper or a diva! I can’t see with their main accessory. Sunglasses and I don’t get along!!! Can I wear them for a few minutes? Sure. Can they sit on my head as a headband? Absolutely! Can the lens touch my lash? N-O! Can I walk with them on my face? N-O!!!!!! That’s a recipe for trouble!
3. I Waste Food (Often!)-Food is one of my best friends so much so that it likes to go where I go. 90% of the time I eat, what I eat ends up on me. At first this used to really bother me given the fact that I’ve taught dining etiquette and was voted Most Poised in high school, but then I realized this was God’s way of making sure I remembered that I’m nowhere near perfect. Plus, the leftovers serve as great conversation pieces as I get to lavishly recall my tasty meal and the mess it made.
4. I Can’t Do a Cartwheel-I’ve never felt the freedom of flipping on the grass with the wind beneath my wings. I’m tall. I’ve always been tall. (I’m scary. I’ve always been scary.) There’s something about being really tall as a child, that for me, just wouldn’t let my legs do what they needed to do to make it over my head. Does it bother me now? Why would it? Until they change the height for Olympic gymnasts to 5’9 I’m good.
5. I Made Cs-Surprise!!! People often say, “You’re so smart”. I agree:) But honey, nobody told that to my report cards and GPAs. They did not get the “she’s smart” memo! It used to bother me that I was average academically. Especially after that lovely less than 2.0 GPA my freshman year of college. But then I thought, part of that was my fault. I hated to study, and I liked Kappa parties!!! And the other part I believe developed a sense of compassion in me to dig deeper into people to see what’s really there and to seek out those who might fall under the radar, but are really leaders in the making.

6. I’m different. The strangest of things tickle me to my core. I’m unapologetically goofy. I have a sense of humor that’s a hodge-podge of a bunch of personalities and I’m embracing in my older age that I’m different.
So there you have it. I dished my own dirt again. Of course there’s more, but a lady never tells it all. Even as I typed (and updated this blog post) I giggled to myself thinking about the things I just shared and some of their companions that will never come to light. They are what makes me unique. They have nothing to do with what the world would say makes one special, but I tell you, I felt extra special with each letter I pecked. They make me who my Daddy made me and that makes me special.

PS…I wish I could get up and do a “I had a revelation” celebration dance, but you know I can’t…smh. Come to think of it,. I guess I’ll stick to SMH (Shaking My Head) rather than SMH (Shaking My Hips)! (There I go, cracking myself up again, which I guess reaffirms my goofy.)

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@AngelaMMoore316

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