A friend sincerely asked my thoughts on love and how to move on from someone who still has a special place in your heart. My first response was, “That’s a tough one.” Because it is! Sometimes we treat relationships like hopscotch, jumping to and fro.
There is no clear-cut pattern for moving on from a courting/dating relationship. Scriptures can encourage. Books can comment. Friends can advise. And even actions can mandate, but the heart has been proven a time or two to have a mind of its own.
So what do you do? I really don’t know. I’ve learned that each situation and association is different and deserving of a custom-made outcome that outshines even the way it began. That’s especially true if you desire for whatever the outcome is to be for God’s glory and your own good. I’ve been the one, too many times to share, to move on to another person knowing I wasn’t over the other person. (I know, “Shame on me!”) I’ve been the one to retreat into a stifling shell because of pride or fear or pain. I’ve been the one to have less than stellar (also known as unladylike) responses to pain or the person that caused my pain and ended up with even more pain. I’ve been the one to linger way too long in relationships that clearly weren’t meant to be. I’ve also been the one to have the courage to do what I had to do (through massive pain, trials, much prayer and many errors) to move on, gain wisdom, be healed and made whole.
Still unable to come up with an answer to her pressing question I ran across this quote:
And that pretty much sums it up. Getting over love or deciding to stay in it and the courting/dating relationship that comes along with it can only be decided by two people…God and you (with your heart and brain in line with Him).
Pray for direction.
- Seek wise counsel, repeatedly if needed.
- Take time to be healed of the pain whether you stay or go.
- Be real about the reality of things. Is a relationship feasible? Is a break up the answer?
- Be open to personal change.
- Weigh the pros and cons, being honest with yourself about why you want to stay or go and why you should stay or go.
- Recognize if the relationship is healthy or helping you.
- Recognize if the relationship is hurting or hindering you.
- Don’t compare others to that person.
- Don’t devalue yourself.
- Don’t underestimate the value of that person and the potential of God to change.
- Don’t be afraid to step away so you both can grow, if only for a season.
- Don’t become bitter or resistant to the possibility of loving again (even if it’s the same person made better.)
- Keep the lines of communication open between God and you.