I first typed this two years ago in the unexpected throes of a season of change. Not much has changed since, except my attitude toward an even more increased sense of certainty that regardless of what was lost, given or taken in our lives things will get better. Still I declare, “You can bounce back and it will get better!”
From whatever has hurt you, disappointed you, caught you off guard, altered your plans, broken your heart, or shocked the stew out of you be certain that better is always an option. How will it happen? I’m not sure. When will it happen? I don’t know. Will the better that comes after the bad last? I can’t guarantee. Will it be worth it. YES!
While it may not feel like it now, like a $2 ball from the center bin of your local Wal-Mart YOU can bounce back. I believe you won’t just bounce back you’ll bounce forward, faster, and further. Just hang in there, my friend. Hang in there and be ready for the bounce back! #GetYourBounceOn
(A 4:00am viewing of a popular reality show prompted this post.)
Don’t be that girl. What girl you ask?
The girl who:
- Has to have her behavior explained all the time as, “Well, you know that’s just how she is.”
- Is a “Debbie Downer” making the mood of the group go south with constant complaints and criticisms.
- Is unapologetically, always late.
- Is mean, mean, mean and mad, mad, mad all the time.
- Is living miserably in the pains of yesterday.
- Talks badly about men and other women.
- Refuses to see the good, or God’s purpose in other people.
- Can be heard long before she is seen.
- Is known for throwing shade (and I don’t mean sunglasses or palm trees)
- Is moody.
- Presents herself in ways deemed unlovable (and makes it hard, very hard for people to love her).
- Cares more about name brand purses than people.
- Has mastered the art of Chameleon 101…changing to be whomever you think people want you to be.
- Throws pity parties.
- Is known for stealing the spotlight, and spoiling it.
- Can’t celebrate others.
- Keeps up more drama than a 1980’s daytime soap opera.
- Doesn’t listen.
- Can’t be trusted.
- Spreads bad news faster than the flu in a kindergarten class.
“I never heard your side”. Those were the words that were spoken to me during a general and genteel conversation about insurance that somehow drifted to the topic of my now three-year-old divorce. Hearing those words from this individual that was mutually connected to my ex-husband and me somehow felt as comforting as a bowl of piping hot vegetable soup, homemade from my mother’s stove on a chilly December night. I needed to hear that. Within those words I heard something I’d longed to hear, not from this person, but from anyone who might have heard the “initial story” and may not have heard the actual truth.
Not that my situation was any more horrible than anyone else going through a divorce. It wasn’t and I’ve heard of stories far more damaging than mine. But wanting to shout to the world why a husband really left and how things had been years and years prior to, but being made by God to be silent, kind, loving, prayerful and positive made it extra hard when opinions of various other parties and their perspectives were being shared on a larger scale and sadly believed by some who didn’t know you and by some whom you clearly didn’t know like you thought you did. To this day I often size up some people I see in the “questionable” category. Upon view of them I wonder, “which side of the story do you believe” or “how could you ever believe ANY side of the story when you didn’t take the time to hear mine.” That’s not productive in my life. I realize that so I work on it as often as I see someone who falls into that “questionable” category:)
One thing I’ve learned is that pain (spiritual, emotional, financial, mental, physical, etc.) often clouds your clarity, and taints truth. Those factors lend a lot to divorce, or any circumstance that causes a rift in a previously established relationship or association. I get that and try to keep that in mind when dealing with anyone that has a distorted view, but that still doesn’t make the sting of being on the other end of that tainted cloudiness any easier to bear. One thing I’ve also learned is that it’s easier to spread something bad, negative or damaging, but much more difficult to clean it up as the true truth unfolds. So to those on the listening end of whatever is being shared, please be careful of what you hear and hold on to. One day you may find out it was actually untrue.
Whether it be due to divorce, failed friendships, ended family associations, job dissension, church squabbles or simple “falling out” I don’t know who this is for, but before settling on a side of the story be certain to know the entire book. There’s often a voice and a view that hasn’t been heard and deserves to.