Did the title to this post shock you? Good! I wanted it to to get your attention.
One thing I’ve dealt with and watched other women who’ve gone through divorce deal with is what to do after you’ve given him the finger, the ring finger that is. The wedding ring is always such as large part of excitement and symbolism for many marriages. It’s the big, bright, sparkly, sentimental outward sign of your inward love and losing the luxury of that sign can be a terrible blow, as superficial as it may sound. Dealing with the broken marriage, financial challenges, family restructuring, friendship changes, the emotional wear and tear and the likes, are sometimes silently joined by an often overlooked (or under-discussed) matter that can cause as much grief and confusion. That’s what happens after giving him the finger wasn’t forever.
Ladies, if you’re like I was after the stuff hit the ceiling and the divorce dust started simmering you know exactly what I’m talking about. In the early days, for me, staring down to an empty finger was like an ever-present reminder of my failed marriage. I felt lost when I looked at the semi-permanent change in skintone that resulted from having a fixture on my finger for nine years. I would sometimes panic thinking I’d lost my ring, when actually it wasn’t for me to wear anymore. I had lots of questions that I’m sure many women have faced.
- Do you sell the ring?
- Do you hold on to it in case things change?
- Do you keep wearing it so you won’t have to worry with what people think?
- Do you turn it into a necklace or some fabulous earrings?
- Do you keep wearing it to scare off all the creepy guys who must have a “she’s an emotional wreck” radar?
- How long do you keep wearing it to scare off all of the creepy guys?
- Do you save it for one of your children?
- Do you give it back? (Ummmmm, no!)
- Do you go all bad Hollywood movie and toss it out of a moving car going 50mph down his new neighborhood street? (NO you shouldn’t! See sign below!!!!)
Regardless of the state of where you stand with your finger just know that it does get better. That’s all I have to say. It gets better. The tan on the finger can fade. Whether you sell it, keep it or alternate a few cute pieces of jewelry on neighboring fingers you can be content. The memories that were good can outweigh those that weren’t so good. The creepy guys can eventually disappear (God is that good), whether you wear the ring or not. You can grow to the point of not being concerned with what people think. You can get a new man to put a “ring on it” if that’s God’s will. Your thoughts of reenacting scenes from movies about scorned women can be replaced with beautiful thoughts and dreams about the future. And believe it or not, you can grow to the point of focusing more on your future than your finger!