I Need to Lose Control

A recent trip to the Red Door Spa in Bethesda, Maryland opened my eyes to a startling revelation. “Eye” deal with control issues. The nail tech who expertly performed my much-needed pedicure was nearing completion of her services, when she wrapped my tenderly treated feet in hot paraffin wax, a plastic bag and a warm, moist towel. In her sweet, and soft enough to be spa-room appropriate voice she whispered, “now close your eyes and relax”.


Having started their treatments around the same time as I, my three friends there with me had no problem following directions. They closed their eyes and relaxed. I, on the other hand know they closed their eyes and relaxed because I had mine open. I tried closing my eyes. It lasted about two minutes. I peeked around and tried it again. It lasted about three minutes. I finally succumbed to the fact that keeping my eyes closed and trusting the process was something else I needed to add to my list of improvements. (It seems the older I get the longer my list.) The revelation about having trouble losing control was only made more clear after my tech gave me a stern, yet still sweet look and said, “You’re supposed to have your eyes closed and be relaxing, honey”.


I wrestled with why I couldn’t keep my eyes closed. I simply couldn’t stop looking at my gold layered toes, the shelf baring the warm towels, the speck of lint on the floor, the magazine in the distance or anything else, and that’s a problem. Instead of relaxing I thought, and thought and thought. What did not being able to close my eyes and relax say about me? How long had I been this way? Who’s fault is it? Why am I this way? So instead of closing my eyes and relaxing I thought about why I couldn’t close my eyes and relax. (Don’t laugh. Just pray:) I don’t know what my eyes were expecting to see, miss out on or discover, but I feel in that moment that not being able to follow that simple instruction spoke more about me than meets the eye. “Eye” must overcome control issues.


So I embark now on the quest to keep my eyes closed, and relinquishing control. Oh the mystery of what lies behind the lid…the eye lid that is.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s