I had to have a little talk with myself recently that started with, “Hey girl, you need an attitude adjustment”. I was noticing certain words were popping into my mind far too frequently. Phrases like, “child cheese” and “gone (go on) somewhere” were trying to become mainstays in my mind. A couple of times they even whispered their way from my mind to my mouth. (The intended targets never knew though…thank God). Those episodes, coupled with a much shorter than normal tolerance for certain situations (mainly questions that were simple in nature and having to explain things that were clearly my responsibility to explain) made me come to the realization that my attitude was under attack…and the culprit was me. I needed an attitude adjustment.
I don’t know what was wrong with me. I really don’t. I even, literally asked myself “what’s wrong with you”. “Myself” didn’t answer. “Myself” couldn’t answer. I think “myself” was slightly embarrassed and a bit confused about what was going on within “myself”. I know I’m human and know that things will happen in life to test my poise and patience, but usually I’m able to know what’s behind it, and deal with it appropriately. This time, though, I didn’t know what was behind it and I had to keep forcing “child cheese” and “gone somewhere” from being an internal or external response. In the past I could pinpoint the source of my struggle. I’ve either not felt my best, been up against a financial challenge, been anxious about a pending situation, have been sleepy, or hungry. This time, though, there simply wasn’t a reason (not that it would have been right anyway). More than that, the things that were affecting me weren’t even big deals and the people truly weren’t the problem. It was just something in me that needed to get out, and in a much better way that my mind was trying to tell me.
So, at an impasse with my attitude I decided to adjust it. Simple as that. I fought back the snappy comebacks. I slowed down and forced myself to exercise more patience. I laughed at myself for getting to that place in the first place. I realized that yes, I’m human, but so are the people who were the targets of my unexplained “issue”. I’ll continue to ask myself what my problem was, knowing one day it will all make sense, or at least make for a good blog post. And I’ll remember to reference “cheese” and “gone” only in their appropriate forms.