How long are you going to hold on to what happened? Yes, it happened. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it caught you off guard. Yes, it’s (still) causing issues. Yes, it was embarrassing. Yes, it was unfair. But it’s over, which means you CAN overcome it.
I challenge you to still be concerned, but don’t continue to be consumed. Still handle matters, but don’t stay mad. Still discuss what happened (healthily), but don’t let that define you. Still go through your healing, but don’t get stuck in what hurt you. Still recognize the bruises, but don’t keep placing blame and whatever you do don’t become bitter. Still acknowledge the past, but don’t let people or any problems connected to it keep you there.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. The same is so for your process to redemption, but I double dog dare you to be as focused on the process to healing as you once were on the pain of what happened. The longer you hold on to your pain the longer it hurts. Today, decide to STOP, DROP and GO… on ‘bout your business and get ALL of the blessings that await you on the“other side” .
Angela Scott Moore has sported many hats in her lifetime. Some were cute, some not by choice and others brought a little chaos. All in all, each hat has helped her become the woman she is today and hopes to be in the future.
She’s a former broadcast anchor, reporter and producer, as well as a trained motivational speaker, fundraiser and marketing/public relations expert. Careers in Civic Service, Social Justice and Human Resources have recently been added to her list of “been there, done that” duties. She’s also a former pastor’s wife of nine years, having worked in full-time ministry, where the majority of her time was spent empowering women and girls. She’s overcome life-threatening and life-altering illnesses, divorce, loss of job, death of close loved ones and too much to post, all while purposely trying to maintain a smile, positive outlook, encouraging word and faith in God.
Angela is an avid inspirational blogger at http://www.angelamooreblog.wordpress.com and also a philanthropic community supporter who has served with more than 25 local and national organizations over her nearly 20 year professional career. Currently, as a hobby, she operates the blossoming, full-service public relations venture Amazing Kreations, offering media and event planning assistance at low, or no cost to small organizations, ministries and businesses. She also hosts a Facebook page devoted to divorce called I’m More Than What Happened.
Taking lessons learned from each phase of her ever-evolving life, Angela’s now donning the hat of a single woman on a single mission to use spoken and written words to remind others that Life Gets Better and it’s possible to look and be their best in the process.
My Girls, My Girls, My Girls: How We Do What We Do
At the start of the year, I was blessed to travel to the Washington, DC/Maryland area to celebrate the 40th birthday of one of my dearest friends, Dru Ealons. I guess I’m thinking of that today because I fell asleep last night after watching “Love and Hip Hop” (don’t judge me) and the “friendships” on there had me shaking my head without even intending to. Plus, January 2014 was the last time I’ve been on a plane and I’m about ready to take to the skies and have some fun again. Pass me a Biscotti and a Ginger Ale and take me somewhere please!
We had a Blast with a capital “B” in DC!!!!!! As with most times of gathering together, the journey to what is now one of my most favorite memories was long-fought and hard for me! Because none of us are picture shy we took the luxury of capturing our adventure via camera. The pictures were priceless, fierce, meaningful, beautiful and candid, and they captured who we are as sister/friends. What you don’t see is the behind the scenes financial finagling, unexpected events, schedule remixing and so on and so on just to be able to be there, with and for each other.
Many have commented on how women can’t be friends. We absolutely can, but friendship requires commitment and dedication. Sadly, the pictures of “friends” we often see derive from the unfortunate portrayals in the media and on reality television, where commitment and dedication are dismissed for dismissing each other, tossing glasses of wine and throwing shade. And still, we all long for that sisterhood that we were created to experience and need in order to exist. But that takes work. Like a car, or your relationship with your “boo”, friendship also requires maintenance. They sometimes breakdown. They sometimes get shaky. They sometimes provide smooth travel and other times the ride is bumpy. That’s life, people. That happens anytime two or more humans decide to come together and operate in their humanness. And still, there is a way to do it and get through it.
We are honest with who we are and honest about who the other is. (There are no lofty or unrealistic expectations here allowing the pedastals to fall down. However, there is also personal transparency that evolves as the relationship does allowing the masks to come off.)
- We appreciate each other’s uniqueness. (We clearly recognize and still love the late one, the critiquer, the perfectionist, the louder one, the quiet one, the one who won’t partake in a “beverage” and the ones who will.)
- We protect the circle. (I am blessed with a few circles of friends. Even with my assortment, rare is the time that those circles mix within each other, or include others in our more intimate times of gathering. Our time is our time, even in the individual groups. Knowing the different facets of friends and providing a space for each of those forms to exist is key.)
- We’re not afraid to speak the truth in love, AND hear the truth in love. (Sometimes a girl just needs to say the truth or receive the truth then work it out with a best bud and a brownie.)
- We share the spotlight and sounding board allowing each person time to shine and share.
- We don’t hold each other to standards that we don’t hold ourselves to. (We’re not mad if we haven’t received a phone call, text message, invitation or email when we know we’ve not done the same.)
- We are not looking at the friendship as a fixer. (Friendship is not meant to account for things that are lacking. It’s sent to accent that which we already have. Looking to each other as the cure to our past or present woes, or for validation or acceptance is unfair to all parties.)
- We don’t envy or compare.
- When know when to grant space and when to step forward.
- We laugh, a LOT…with and at each other.
- We respect each other’s time, space in life and circumstances, being proactive and thoughtful in planning.
- We keep it confidential. (What goes on in the friendzone stays in the friendzone. Point. Blank. Period.)
- We’re not easily hurt or offended because we assume the best rather than the worst of one another.
- When it does happen, (and it does) we talk about what has hurt or offended us rather than resurrecting walls of defense and retreating.
- We don’t spend a lot of time together (possibly on purpose) to make us appreciate the time we do have. (The older we get the less time we are likely to have, so by default “hanging out” or “chit-chatting” becomes more and more rare. And that’s okay. Knowing we have someone we can call on when we need them is about 75% of true friendship.)
- We celebrate sincerely and support in times of trouble.
- We say and accept “Oops”, “My bad” and “I’m sorry” (as often as we should).
By no means am I saying any of my sister/friends and I have this whole friendship thing down to a science. We don’t and are nowhere near the pinnacle of “we’ve mastered this”. But I can’t imagine doing life without them, and therefore we work at it and allow ourselves to be worked on with hopes of it working.
Recently I had a chance to speak to some women at a women’s conference hosted by Voice of Faith International Ministries in Helena, Alabama. My topic was Life After Divorce. It still surprises me sometimes that this subject has been added to my arsenal of testimonies, especially since I thought I was already packing a pretty heavy punch. In other words, I didn’t ask for this.
It amazed me at the conference that more of the women than I’d imagined there had traveled the same journey as I. Their stories were familiar, their pain so identifiable, their words encouraging and their strength awe-inspiring. My time with them made me think of cake.
One thing I don’t often delve into is the fact that I fully plan on being a wife again. I don’t ever want to become or be seen as that woman obsessed with a man. I’m happy with where I am, but have hope regarding where I’ll end up. I look at it this way…My last stop on the love train was just a layover until my final destination. Anywho, my best guy friend recently gave me “the 411” on my past dating snafus and offered a little (tough) advice. He let me have it (yikes!) “Stay away from the pretty boys and popular men. They haven’t done you well. You need a good, real man who can put you first, put up with you, put you in your place (in a good way cause you’re spoiled), support your dreams, let you help him and still be the man,” he said. With that said, and with no prospect in mind I’d like to declare that my next man will be a chocolate cake man. What does that mean? Glad you asked.
I have an affinity for food, especially food from fancy places. Flemings Prime Steakhouse is one of my favorite places to dine in Birmingham. They offer a Chocolate Lava Cake that is the business! This cake is so special in so many ways. (Not too oddly) it reminds me of the man I know God has for me.
- The Chocolate Lava Cake is a unique. Not everyone has the liberty to enjoy it or the less than inexpensive meals that often accompany it. It costs you something. It’s exclusive. It’s from the hands of a skilled culinary chef who makes certain that it is good, wonderfully made and pleasing to the intended party. This cake is special. (Sounds like my kind of man.)
- The Chocolate Lava Cake takes time to receive. About mid-way through a meal at Fleming’s a server comes to ask if you are familiar with their cake, and if you would like to order it because it takes about 20 minutes to make and bake. Not to be confused with your average slice and serve cake out of a cold, commercial fridge, this cake takes its precious time to be perfected. It is well worth the wait. (Sounds like my kind of man.)
- The Chocolate Lava Cake makes its presence known. Before it even arrives to your table the bold scent of the cake permeates the restaurant’s celebratory atmosphere. There is no denying that this cake is coming. There is no question when it arrives. And there is definitely no doubt that it won’t disappoint you. (Sounds like my kind of man.)
- The Chocolate Lava Cake brings so much more to the table than just cake. It is so plenteous, offering the most delicious accompaniments in the form of the cool, creamy vanilla ice cream, robust chopped pistachios, ripened red raspberries, and a hand-crafted pistachio cookie which gently cradles the ice cream. This cake is prepared to exceed expectations. (Sounds like my kind of man.)
- The Chocolate Lava Cake is more than meets the eye. At first glance you see a chocolate cake and its additional offerings. That would appear to be sufficient to the average palate. (I’ve accepted finally that I’m not average.) However, once you cut through the delicacy there awaits the beloved Belgian chocolate. Belgian chocolate is the good stuff, the REALLY good stuff. Taking the polished silver fork and gently placing it through the center of the cake unleashes a rush of sweet, rich, beautiful chocolate that freely flows covering the surface, blending perfectly with the melted cream which has succumb to the heat of the cake. The true treasure of this cake is found at its core…the center, the heart, the parts not accessed by all, but of which it gives of itself so liberally to the intended. (Sounds like my kind of man.)
There’s so much more I could say about this cake as it relates to who I believe is coming. I’ll hold that for another blog post at another time because I recognize and accept that I have had a tendency to get caught up in the cake and not focus on the feast ALREADY in front of me. So in the meantime, I’ll be grateful for where I am and plan my next trip to Fleming’s…LOL!
Shhhhhhh……I have a secret to tell that I simply can’t hold any longer. I’ve finally figured out how you can get what you want! If you’re like me, in life, sometimes you wonder why you don’t yet have what you want or need. Lately, not getting my way has been heavily on my mind. This blog post was originally posted in April 2013, I wonder why the Lord would have me read, and repost it again….
Here’s how you get what you want:
- Pray about it.-Yep, that’s first and foremost.
- Have a real relationship with those from which you expect to receive.- In other words, I bank at Regions therefore I should not expect to withdraw from BBVA Compass.
- Give to others, even in your area of need.
- Ask for it.-You’d be surprised the number of people who have given up or fallen out because someone didn’t…
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