I’ll be honest and say that “what if” has had me be unfaithful to my faith one time too many. “What if” is a mess, a mess I tell you! I am a Christian, and I profess to have faith in God to do exceedingly, abundantly ALL I could ask or think. But still, those two gigantically small words “what if” sometimes seem to sneak into my testimonies trying to wreak havoc that isn’t even guaranteed.
This week alone, I’ve spoken with two dear loved ones. Both are facing or have faced health challenges, and both have entertained the company of the dreaded “what if”. As I empathetically listened to them voice their concerns (also known as fears) I reflected on own my life, days distant and days like yesterday where “what if” invaded my space and my faith. I, like them, have done the “Tango”, “The Bump” and the “Kid and Play” with “what if”. You probably have cut a rug with “what if” at some point too.
Ladies, remember the bad, bad boy in college you had a major crush on and knew you had no business even giving a second look? Think about it. Yea, that boy. Did he ever ask you to dance to your favorite Miami-base driven song at your favorite Tuscaloosa, AL night spot, The Citizen Club, better known as the CC? Think about it. Yea, that song and that club. Did you ever contemplate back and forward in your mind whether you should dance with him and knew you shouldn’t then the minute you saw him do the Kappa shake (Did I just say that????), you toss your stacked, bob back and foolishly hit the floor anyway? Think about it. Now think about it again, like you probably thought about him over and over as a giddy, misguided 20-something-year-old. That one consideration probably became all-consuming and the rest is history. You, like I, were probably thinking, “What was I thinking, and WHY?”
That’s how “what if” operates. You know “what if” means you no good. You know how “what if” comes at you all smooth, thought-captivating, confident and overly evasive, whispering sweet nothings which cause premature musing like, “What if it’s cancer?”, “What if I’m permanently scarred?”, “What if I can’t afford it?”, “What if I never bounce back?”, “What if things don’t ever get better”, “What if people talk about me?”, “What if I’m stuck here?”, “What if I’m put out?”, “What if they leave?”, “What if they never loved me?”, “What if I fail?”, “What if no one wants me?”, “What if I can’t keep up?”, “What if it happens again?, “What if it never happens again?”, and so on and so on and so on. Before you know it, “what if” has a tendency to take over all things faith-driven, and all things rational.
Driving on the interstate engaging in a head debate with my most recent “what if” something hit me, not literally, but figuratively. What if “what if” never is? Like really, what if all the “what ifs” that capture our thoughts and hinder our actions never, ever happen? I can’t remember all of my many engagements with “what if”, but I’m wise enough now to know that most of them didn’t come to pass, as evident of the very fact that I’m here to write about it. Not to say that life doesn’t happen and sometimes the “what ifs” do too, but I’ll be doggone if any of us are meant to be consumed by something when we aren’t even sure if it’s even coming. There’s too much wonder in today to be worried about tomorrow. Now take that to your dance floor and bust a move!