“Here’s the thing,” she said. “You make the same mistake over and over again until you learn your lesson. We girls sometimes do the thing where we pick the same person over and over again – they look and seem different, but deep down, they’re the same. And that’s on us.”
Those were the words actress Cameron Diaz told a reporter in a recent article in Cosmopolitan Magazine detailing her thoughts on mistakes in relationships. I heard them on a talk show while recuperating from a stubborn little virus and immediately thought, “Wow! She’s bold, and she’s absolutely right!”
Ladies, I used to be a clever crafter of a “done me wrong” song, and I could string it and sing it with, to, for or about the best of them. But at some point I had to look back on the kinds of men I decided to allow in my life, really examine where I was in life and listen to those who could see what I chose not to, to see that a large part of the problem was me. Just as Ms. Diaz said, the men all looked STARKLY different (and I prided myself on that, hunni), but there were strong similarities in all of the ones I loved (or greatly/partially liked) the most who hurt me the worst that I chose to ignore, and there were strong similarities in ME when I dated all of the ones I loved (or greatly/partially liked) the most who hurt me the worst that I chose to ignore.
Never one to spill too much tea (as in juicy gossip), and certainly not my own until after it’s been tidied all up I will offer this. I don’t condone the mistreatment of human beings in any way, shape form or fashion. I don’t believe lies, cheating, trust-threatening acts or any unfortunate things which can happen when you open your heart with another is deserved. So if I don’t believe others deserve it the same is so for myself. I will, however, say that since I started dating back in 1987 (Yikes!) I have made unwise choices like dating men who were emotionally scarred and I knew it, rebounding far too fast and I knew I should have pressed pause, dating guys who had more baggage than the Gucci Store in Phipps Plaza and I knew it, entering into “relationships” the wrong way and/or at the wrong time and I knew it, dating guys who were “extremely friendly” with other women and I knew it, dating men who didn’t have the same foundation or goals for the future as I and I knew it, or dating men I knew I truly didn’t like or love and I knew it.
None of that is fun to type or pretty to read, but it’s the truth, my truth. Like Ms. Diaz, I consider them all lessons well learned…and earned. I own it and the wisdom it grants me. You better believe I know better and I know better starts with me. I’ve come to realize that grown girls can accept the responsibility…. and wear it like a winter wrap. So I am.