I Don’t Want to Be Here

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I don’t want to be here. There, I said it. I said it for you and me too. I know you might not be able to publicly say that sometimes you don’t want to be at your job, with your spouse, in your family, around your kids, among your friends, involved in relationships which might have ended but the common ground  like children or court remain, in your current physical condition and especially in your current financial position. I get it. I’ve been there. I am there in a few areas. But we’re here.

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We’re here for a reason, peeps. Why, you might ask. I don’t know for sure, but I do know:

  • We’re still where we are to grow, and GROW UP for where we’re going.
  • We’re still where we are to receive help from those assigned to assist.
  • We’re still where we are to help others, even while we’re still where we are.
  • We’re still where we are until we meet, see, do, get or give exactly what we need to specifically and purposefully turn the page to the next chapter.
  • We’re still where we are to be able to have things to look back and laugh at sooner than we think. (And I’m talking those cheek-stretching, eye-watering, stomach-hurting laughs)
  • We’re still where we are to build up some spiritual fortitude which we will need later on.
  • We’re still where we are so that others who see us can see us when we get to where we’re going and know where we’ve been and be inspired that they can get there too.
  • We’re still where we are to show the world how to feel stuck , trust God, exemplify a positive attitude, still smile…and mean it.

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@AngelaMMoore316

Life Goes On

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The beauty of life is that it goes on. No matter where you are, or what you’ve faced… be it death, divorce, sickness, setbacks, mess or mistakes as long as you’re still living there’s still LIFE left to LIVE. Like, for real. There is still life left to live.

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Sometimes the world’s view, our thoughts, our circumstances, the media and generational mindsets might try to convince us that our worst days were God’s final curtain call. That is the furthest thing from the truth! The show must, will and can go on and get better! So can you. You simply have to choose life daily despite your circumstances. In fact, it’s from those unbelievable, heart-wrenching, unwanted, uncomfortable, and downright unfair trials of life that our God shines, and allows that same shine on you and through you for the world to see allowing you to grow and glow at the same time. He’s that GOOD! And the icing on the proverbial triple chocolate, seven-layer, mega-moist, and surprisingly low-calorie cake is that you don’t have to wait for the pain or the process to be over before you live. You can can live life as if it were its BEST even on its way to becoming just that.

@AngelaMichele316

Work is Not Your World

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A recent conversation with a loved one sharing work challenges (i.e. inter-office drama) called forth the simple statement “Work is not your world”. As I listened to the story and shared my spin those words rang true at that moment as they have for me so many times before, “Work is not your world.”

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One of the things which can disturb us like few is discord on the job. Whether it be being unappreciated, not being compensated properly, inequity in titles or treatment, being treated unfairly or viewed unfavorably, being overworked, not being heard or well-received, lack of support for advancement or plain ol’ mess with groups and/or individuals, a lot of us spend a LOT of time at work hopefully because something we do is something we love to do. To have drama in the midst of having to do what we researched on, applied for, interviewed for, prayed about, told our loved ones about, posted on, prepared for and committed to show up to do is a bummer, a real bummer.

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The good news is, “work is not your world.” It’s as simple as that. Yes, the environment might be uncomfortable. Yes, the people might be “interesting”. Yes, people might be paid more than you for less work than you do. Yes, you might have envisioned yourself being further along or somewhere else way before this point in time. Yes, your boss might be totally wrong in his/her actions. Yes, systems might not be in place which need to be. Yes. Yes. Yes to all of that which might be going on, BUT “work is not your world.”  So with that said:

  • Pray before you go to work, while there and when you leave.
    • Place your “challenges and challengers” at the top of the list in a sincere, God-approved way, of course.
  • Do your best, especially in times of challenge.
    • There is never a good time for slacking, but when trouble is brewing is certainly not the time as you want to maintain your excellence and perception of excellence at all times (in other words, don’t give your challengers or challenges any proof that they were right.)
  • Get a life…outside of work.
    • Be sociable, but don’t find all your friends at work. Don’t put all of your eggs in the proverbial job basket.
  • Learn all you can about what to do and what not to do in leadership while there.
  • Avoid the water cooler or coffeepot talk about the negative things going on as to not let it further frustrate you.
  • Don’t get caught up in the unprofessional actions or reactions of others.
  • Ask God why you are still there and be open to the wonderful reasons why even if they don’t feel like it.
  • Go home when it’s time and leave work where it belongs.
  • When challenged by situations revolving around co-workers or work-related scenarios think of your loved ones and who and what really matters.
  • And MOST IMPORTANTLY….
    • Do not, I repeat. Do not ever forget that your job is just a resource. There’s a Source so much bigger than your 9am to 5pm, 11pm to7am or 4am to 4pm. God’s got you! He knows what He’s doing, why He’s doing it, what He’s allowing, how it’s working for your good and when He’s going to move you up, move you out or move you right on up out of there.

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@AngelaMMoore316

Am I Being Punked?

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Have you ever had one of those pop-up periods in life where life makes you desperately ask one of four questions:

  1. What in the world is going on?
  2. God, do you see what’s happening?
  3. God, when are you going to stop what’s happening?
  4. Am I being punked?

A series of conversations with a co-worker confirmed that sometimes in life life will make you ask one, all four or even more questions as things jump off seemingly out of nowhere, problems pop up seemingly with a vengeance, people change seemingly for no reason, circumstances stack up seemingly with no end, challenging posts, emails and unexpected text messages flood you seemingly with no stopping and tomfoolery or its close cousin confusion seemingly reign supreme.

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So the question may be asked in a dire plea for relief or comic relief, “Am I being punked?”. I don’t think that we are necessarily being punked. I’d like to hold on for dear life like a screaming child on a high-flying, fast-paced roller coaster that we are being prepared. Prepared for what you might ask? I haven’t a clue, darling. But at the rate of the madness some of us are facing whatever is coming must be pretty darn fantabulous!

@angelammoore316

Speak Up, Girls

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For my ladies and little ladies…
I’m humbled to have the opportunity to be able to serve as a mentor, especially to young girls and women. It saddens me when, after being asked a question or presented with a problem, their answer is “never mind”, or “It doesn’t matter”, “It’s okay” or “I don’t know” when clearly there is something burning, simmering or stewing inside waiting , deserving and needing to come out. It’s like at that moment, their minds, the media, something passed on or something looked over tells them their voice and views don’t matter.
Of late, with all going on in this country and some collective things a bit closer to home, I’ve been grappling with the when, where, how and how often to use my God-given voice, particularly about those things I know to be unfair, unhealthy, or plain ol’ wrong. The tango in my head between “should I speak up or should I stay silent” has happened one too many times, and to be honest, it shouldn’t have. I take full responsibility for that knowing that the answer is, yes, whether right away or in the appropriate time, I should speak up, speak out or speak on it…whatever the “it” may be in the way most productive to get my point across for the sake of the greater good. I can only imagine that if I have that challenge from time to time some of my younger or less mature sisters must entertain those silencing thoughts all the more.
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Through the wonderful power of Pinterest I’m so grateful for this reminder, and the voice God has given. I truly am. What I realize now more than ever is that the ability of others to hear and understand my voice is not my concern. My charge is to use my voice to the best of my ability. My story counts. My views count. My perspective counts. My vantage point counts. My process counts and my opinions count, whether liked, approved, understood or not. Period.
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@AngelaMMoore316

Peace, My People

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So much is going on in the world, big and small. Friends, loved ones and colleagues are reeling from politics, surprise separations, health challenges, financial struggles, job transitions and so much more. I don’t recall my prayer list being this long in a long time. Like for real. In the midst of it all, I thank God for His word which promises peace. I will let my Lord and Savior speak to and comfort us instead. I’m so grateful for God’s word, now more than ever.

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Don’t Hate the Wait

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Life can have a way of having us feel like we’re in a perpetual holding pattern at times. Whether it’s desiring a job or a better one, holding out for healing, praying about, wanting or getting over a spouse, seeking a change or a chance for growth, desperate for a financial upgrade, seeking restoration with a loved one or simply desiring an “Oops, I mess up or missed that do-over”, as humans we need what we need and we feel we need it now!

Rest assured, the Bible is filled with scriptures and stories reminding us that what’s perfect for us is being perfected for us. Don’t believe me? Just read.

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That perfect parking space, generous paystub, cool lunch dates and stellar schedule may be making their way to and through a “congratulations you’re hired” email or snail mail soon. That healing, help for the caregivers, reduced medical expenses and funny stories along the way may be one doctor’s appointment, therapy visit or treadmill run away. That new and improved boo, new boo or less boo-hoos may be on the other side of this soon-ending-season. That new/next/now may unfolding right outside the door to our prayer closet. That money (and mindset to manage it) may be making its way to our bank statements and through our bloodlines faster than ever before. That strained relationship may be straightening out and strengthening up in ways our minds can’t fathom just waiting on our schedules to be able to host the recurring reunions and those mistakes we all have made may, right now at this very moment, be being remixed by our Daddy better than Diddy ever did it. We just have to hold on and don’t hate the wait.

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 @AngelaMMoore316

Thank You for Leaving

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Dear Leavers,

I say this with all sincerity and no sarcasm. Thank you for leaving.

Thank you for doing for me what I obviously couldn’t or wouldn’t do for myself. Thank you for being used as a mighty instrument of God to escort me to my new/now/next. Thank you for helping grow me in areas I didn’t know I was malnourished. Thank you for recognizing that either your role in my life had ended or my role in yours was expired. Thank you for playing a part in making me strong in areas which were weak. Thank you for causing me to upgrade my prayer life and my faith walk. Thank you for showing me places I needed help and in a hurry. Thank you for being a reflection of patterns, poor choices, ignored signs and mistakes which all belonged to no one but me, regardless of what all happened. Thank you for leaving your space at the table for those who belonged and were bringing something with them. Thank you for causing me to elevate my forgiveness, grace and mercy. Thank you for teaching me how to love and let go. Thank you for showing me I could shut my mouth. Thank you for being the catalyst for the amazing associations and for real friendships which soared after ours sufficated. Thank you for clearing the path for others to step up when you decided to step away.

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While your leaving didn’t make a hill of beans of sense, I’m glad it didn’t because if I could have figured it out I would have tried to fix it. While your leaving may have scared the hebedegebees out of me I’m glad it did because I was comforted, strengthed and encouraged in ways which rival the best of Biblical stories. While your leaving might have caused the wind to be knocked slap out of me I’m glad because I was able to experience Jesus’ sweet wind beneath my flailing wings carrying me to heights not before seen. And while tears might have been my initial response to your departure my lingering after affect was/is laughter…that gut-wrenching, eye-squenching, head-hurting, side-splitting, cheek-aching kind of laughter void of a single ounce of tea or any smidgen of shade, and filled with THANK YOU JESUS…thank you leavers.

So in all the languages known to man, or to me…Thank you for leaving. I sincerely wish you all well and appreciate your roles in my journey whether we again cross paths or not.

Signed,

Your Girl Angela

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@AngelaMichele316

 

Who In the World Let You Come Back?

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Recently, I’ve been battling my Lymphedema again. I was diagnosed, after a minor surgery to rule out the C word, and figure out why I had pain and enlarged nodules under my right arm. It’s not unusual to have bouts with my chronic illness from time-to-time, especially when I fly, when the seasons drastically change or if I do heavy lifting, which I’m not supposed to do. Given that I’ve done all of those things having flown this year to Baltimore and Anaheim with few troubles, experiencing the seasons changing from cold to hot with no troubles and having moved an entire house into another house with little trouble I thought I’d finally made it to full-on Lymphedema management stage, until a couple of weeks ago when the pain and swelling of my right arm came back with a vengeance. I mean that thing came out swangin’ knowing I couldn’t swing back.

 

I’ll be honest. I was mad. Like for real. I was mad. I was mad because I thought I could at least cross Lymphedema off of my “to-do” list, and place it on my “can’t be bothered” roster. I was aware of the maintenance aspect, and up for that challenge, but over the last couple of years, God has quickly taken care of me when the pain arrived and I could move on business as usual. This time, was different. Desperate for relief I did what I would normally do when a bout flared up. I revved up the prayers and prayer partners. I scheduled a massage and another one when that one didn’t fully do what I needed. I took time off to rest it. I resumed wearing my glove. I conducted my manual massages and all of that good stuff and no relief. I even called my Lymphedema specialist, the only one in this entire region, who just so happened to have moved to Murfreesboro, TN shortly after I no longer needed her. I didn’t hear back from her, as I’m sure her wait time now is longer than the six months it was when I was referred to her years ago. So my question to this temporary lymph node nemesis was, “who in the world let you come back?”

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Then, as Facebook and it’s On This Day app would remind me, today, May 25th, marks the exact 5th anniversary of my Lymphadema diagnosis. Talk about a God having a sense of humor. Not only did it remind me of the date it reminded me of what I said on that date. Here’s what I mustered up enough arm strength to type from my trusty Blackberry.

Angela Scott Moore

May 25, 2011 at 8:53am ·

And the plot thickens…so there’ve been some serious complications from my surgery in March. I won’t complain, but instead will compare this to the other times I’ve seen God move in my life. Each time my body has been attacked my blessings have been attached. So as the plot thickens so does my praise!!!! (If I don’t respond to your calls, texts or fb posts right away forgive me. I’ll be back soon:)

And so it is. If it’s time for another round I guess I better hop back on the saddle and ride this thing on out. I felt bad for even being mad. Shame on me. I have no right to complain. I simply don’t.To quote that wise old 39 year old Angela Michele of old…”Each time my body has been attached my blessings have been attached. So as the plot thickens so does my praise!!!!” I’m shifting my focus to praising and planning the celebration while nervous at the same time because I have absolutely no idea what my God could be up to now because He’s already been SO, SO good. Anywho, I’ll keep you posted. You keep praying.

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***And while you’re praying for me, please pray for others who battle this illness in ways FAR worse than I. (Google Lymphedema please). Insurance doesn’t often cover treatment. Treatment for some is deemed impossible. Breast cancer is sometimes a component to this disease. The physical aspect can often pail in comparison to the mental and emotional issues attached to having a limb much larger than the other. My case is so very, very, very minor compared to so many. I truly have so much for which to be thankful. Please add those who battle the painful illness Lymphedema to your prayers.

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@AngelaMMoore316

 

I Lost My Credit and Found More Peace

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Peace has always been a friend of mine. I’ve sought it. Chased it down. Pleaded for it and tried my best to hold on to it for dear life, my own of course.

Few things have rattled me, baffled me, frightened me and lodged a full-fledged attack on my peace like the last few years. I won’t go into details, as they are not needed, and wouldn’t change a thing if I did.

I grew up in the 80s and watched my parents make the serious and difficult sacrifice to get out of debt.  So, post, financial makeover, I was reared to protect my credit like I protected my name because credit and my name were synonymous. Through college I never had credit cards. After college, I had “charge cards” to places like Casual Corner and paid it back to maintain A+ credit. When I went to purchase another car in 2013 after my Lexus of 11 years died, I was told I had credit so good I could by a “private jet”.

Beginning in 2013, things out of my control which should have happened didn’t happen for a very long time. I was also stuck in a home above my single woman’s, non-profit net pay, subject to hundreds of viewing people over the six years it was on the market, dealing with banks, realtors, letters, emails, calls and so on. Then, it happened. My credit dropped lower than a frisky 1990s co-ed in the Citizen Club in Tuscaloosa, Alabama when his/her favorite Uncle Luke, 12 Gauge or 69 Boyz song came on in the small, sweatbox by the cornfield. I was DEVASTATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Beyond DEVASTATED, I was madder than James Evans when the gangbanger, Mad Dog shot JJ on that riveting episode of Good Times. (Check the nose flare, people.)

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My peace was under attack, and my ability to respond as Christ would was not too far behind it. That, for me, was no way to be. I don’t know when it happened. I really don’t know how it happened, but for the grace of and good sense from God, however, at some point, after I was turned down for a great job due to bad credit, after a credit card limit was reduced by more than $6000, after I finally received a viable offer on my house but quickly realized at this juncture I wouldn’t be able to purchase another house to own for myself, PEACE prevailed. It took over.

I didn’t fret or panic as much. I prayed more. I asked more people to pray. I started “living” again, enjoying the house I was currently in not counting the costs of tomorrow or ignoring the blessings of today or yesterday. I stopped being frustrated by those who didn’t understand the dyer state of things for me because they’d never been in this situation and didn’t know full details but treated me as if they did (God bless them). I stopped focusing on who wasn’t doing what was supposed to be done and TRULY praised the Lord for what He was doing. And by doing, I mean the fact that my last year in my last home God covered the mortgage all by Himself. Yes, the scary letters and phone calls stopped. The threats of foreclosure or deed in lieu stopped. And, with not a dime paid to my gracious banking lender, I lived. He did that! Yep!

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Now granted, I lived knowing each day my credit was dropping lower and lower and knowing that the eventual Short Sale I had to accept would take it lower than an intoxicated passenger in the limbo competition on a Caribbean cruise ship, but I lived through it to meet the most wonderful realtor who took me in figuratively like a young cousin telling me her testimony and working hard for two years to sell my home while also offering to literally allow me to stay with her when it looked like the bad credit was going to prevent me from even being able to rent a house (talk about SCARED out of my mind!) I lived to finally “meet” an amazingly, kind new landlord, who welcomed me to his property with full disclosure of my current credit profile (and we’ve never met face-to-face). I lived through to be able to give away SO MUCH good stuff to people who really needed it from the nine years I enjoyed my previous home. I still have more to give. Any takers? I lived biting my tongue and truly being able to pray God’s best for all involved. I lived to arrive to the most “homey” feeling neighborhood I’ve dwelled in since my days in West End, where I walk in my home that my God, my two jobs (#TitheGoneUp) and I can afford and I feel happy, thankful and full of peace. To God be the Glory!

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As I sit and listen to the serenading birds enjoying the natural lighting beaming through my rental home I still don’t know where my already demolished credit will land after the Expedian report shows my April short sale, but I’m not bothered. I trust that a God who can pay a big money mortgage for more than a year and can restore the credit of so many friends who have shared their testimony and can keep me from acting out of who He created me to be can cover my credit like a Vivica A. Fox snug wig straight out of the net. I trust Him.

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@AngelaMMoore316