Single Mothers, Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving!

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In February 2010, my 1st husband announced he no longer wanted to be married… to me. With those words, I became:

  • Unmarried
  • Without a job
  • Without a church home (there is no first lady without a husband first)
  • Without health or life insurance
  • Without a cell phone plan
  • Without certainty of where I would live
  • And a reluctant single “mother”

My 1st husband and I never had biological children, but were blessed to be chosen as godparents to some amazing kids. One of them, at the tender age of 13 came up to me with her squeaky, demanding voice and said, “Help me find a job and be my godmama.” Taken aback by both, I said okay, and okay. No one could have known that two years later her mother, who worked for my 1st husband and me at the time would die within months of her diagnosis of cancer.

Rakia, and her siblings found themselves without a mom, but with a loving grandmother who took them in. When Rakia entered college the next year and year one of college away from home wasn’t what we wanted it to be she decided to transfer to The University of Montevallo and live with us. And live with us she did! She was a JOY!!!!!

So without the trials of labor I had the blessing of:

  • Teaching her how to fry chicken
  • Watching the best and worst of reality TV with her
  • Talking about boys
  • Teaching her etiquette
  • Reminding her how NOT to break a curfew
  • And now seeing her at almost 30 being a wife and amazing mother

My first marriage, was semi-decent until that night in my den when my starter husband said, he thought he was like Paul in the Bible and not supposed to be married. What the Hall and Oates did he say?!?!?! How was I supposed to hide my tears (and inner #35211) when a 21-year-old was upstairs in hearing distance hurting almost as badly as I was and when we were just months from her graduating college?

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If I was able to crawl out of bed with bags under my eyes she was watching. If I wanted to strangle him or SNAP she was watching. If I didn’t clean my plate (and I loved food) she was watching. She was watching because that was what she’d always done in days far more favorable.

One day, a couple of months into the REAL “he’s acting like he doesn’t even know me like I’m some stranger who did him dirty” U-G-L-Y side of my divorce things must have gotten the best of me. I don’t know if I looked bad, or said something contrary to my faith, but my mother uttered some profound words. I was getting ready to go to Superior Grill to meet a friend also going through a divorce and my Mama told me and told me to tell her… Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving!

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It was as simple as that. I knew she was telling me it was time to get it together, act like it and look like it too. I knew I must have had the devil and his deviletts think they’d won. So she told me to Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving! I did.

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Single moms, yes, you’re single…whether UNFORTUNATELY, UNPREDICTEDLY, THROUGH DEATH, DIVORCE OR BY CHOICE. Yes, however you got here might have hurt like heck. Yes, it might seem like he’s doing better than you with his new bae or boo. Yes, it’s not fair. Yes, to all of the things which would be answered YES. But, regardless… Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving!

In hindsight I know now that…

  • The lipgloss represented her order that I get my shine back and put my best face forward.
  • The high heels spoke to her command that I rise up, get my pep back and put my best foot forward.

 

  • Keep it Moving was her demand to not look back and put my best faith forward. Point. Blank. Period.

The time for waiting on life to start over is OVER. Life is well on its way to being exactly what it’s meant to be for you, and yours! And your kids are watching and being shaped by your actions and reactions! It’s time to LIVE, look like it and know that Life Gets Better!

So do something for yourself!

  • Get up and take a shower then spray yourself with that fancy perfume you’ve been keeping for a “special day”.
  • Finish a complete meal regardless of how the hurt tries to tell you not to eat.
  • Start saying “yes” when people ask you to do things and come out of isolation.
  • Go to a women’s retreat, a single mother’s conference, or a “can you help me with this pain” program.
  • Go to a movie…and I don’t mean the latest Frozen flick with your kids. Get a sitter, take a half day at work, go to the cheap Tuesday show and sit in the dark with grown people and popcorn.
  • Plan a trip out of town (Groupon and girls trips are the BEST!)
  • Get a massage or a manicure. (Groupon is the BEST!)
  • Join a gym and make your house an at-home “get myself toned, tight and right” spot
  • Write a book. (Somebody needs to have your testimony at the side of their bed at all times to help them make it out of bed.)
  • Learn how to garden, change a tire, or cook a real meal.
  • Sell your Mama’s famous chili recipe, your homemade door signs or get a trade that will make you a better woman…and some money.

And whatever you do, Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving…because they’re watching!

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@AngelaMichele316

Love Your Body…Big or Small

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Hey Friends,
Body image can be a monster! Whether we think we’re too big or too small, especially when we’ve been “fine or foxy” before, our view of ourselves can really mess us up.

I dare you to love you right where you are even if you don’t want to stay there, and not hide who you are. Medicines may affect us. Babies will change us. Illness can alter us physically, but none should change our minds about how beautiful we are.

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With love,

Your Girl Angela❤️

@angelamichele316

The ABC’s of Singlehood pt. 2

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Being single can be HARD! It can also be very helpful in shaping women and men to become better for the next level of life whether marriage is included or not.

As mentioned in my previous blog post The ABC’s of Singlehood pt. 1 , in March 2017 I had an opportunity to speak to single women and married couples at the Can You Relate Conference 2017 hosted by Algernon and Taneisha Tucker. It was great for me too as my newlywed husband and I learned so much from the others. I spoke on the ABCs of Singlehood and thought I’d share a few more tidbits of what God and a lot of mistakes in life afforded me to know.

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Here’s 9-17. Stay tuned for pt. 3 coming soon!

  • I-Improve those qualities you know you need improved whether single or not.
    • If you know your attitude is bad (and you know you know) or you are selfish, or you’re lazy, or you have problems committing singlehood is the season to get those things together…by yourself.
  • J-Join groups to help you grow and stay occupied…a church small group, a book club, a Sassy Singles dinner club, etc.
    • Do something with yourself while single. You can boost your resume, build up your “team” and who knows, bae or boo might be waiting on you in the very group you join.
  • K-Keep the desires of your heart. If marriage is your desire, don’t let anything or anyone take it from you.
    • Do. Not. Stop. Believing. Marriage. Is. Possible. For. You. Point. Blank. Period.
  • L-Learn new hobbies and skills like cooking, how to change a tire, how to refurbish a chair, how to install hardwood, how to cut coupons, how to fly fish or something.
  • M-Make sure your expectations of a mate are being matched by you. Don’t want what you can’t give.
    • If you can’t afford steak don’t be mad because he can only afford hamburger helper. If you don’t have good credit don’t place unfair pressure on a man to have it because you don’t. If you aren’t bringing just as much to the table don’t be mad when you aren’t able to eat. Expectations of a mate should be matched by what we have to offer. A man is not your ATM, TransUnion savior, heart fixer, daddy do over or ticket to come up. Come up on your own time and own dime so you can help him come up even more.
  • N-Never let social media deceive you, make you feel less than, lead you to comparisons or have you become hopeless.
    • Don’t let Facebook, Snapchat and any other mode of media make you think married people are perfect, or that you, somehow because you’re not married are less than or will never have the love you desire…and all the extra good, and not as good stuff which comes along with it.
  • O-Open up your list of “I Want” in a mate to include, at the top, God’s list of “You Need” in a mate.
    • Be rid of those superficial things like how he dresses, what his salary looks like (now), where he’s from, how long he’s had the removable goldfront and all that good, not so good stuff which WILL NOT matter at the end of the day when you look back and laugh at how far God has brought you both because He brought you together.
  • P-Pray for yourself, for the mate you desire, for you all together, for patience, etc.
    • Pray. Pray. Pray…for him, for you, for his friends, for his mind, for his future job, for your patience, for his tolerance of you and all your “quirks”, for your future children, for everything that comes along with marriage. You can do this even before you meet the man.
  • Q-Quit settling.
    • I like to say Settling is for Quakers. Whatever you do while single don’t settle for less than who and what you know you deserve. Know your value and stop slinging discounts like a KMart Blue Light Special.
      • And if you don’t know what you deserve ask somebody who knows better.

To be continued…

@AngelaMichele316

 

The ABC’s of Singlehood Part 1

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Recently, I had an opportunity to speak to single women and married couples at the Can You Relate Conference 2017. It was great for me too as my husband and I learned so much from the others. I spoke on the ABCs of Singlehood and thought I’d share a few tidbits of what God and a lot of mistakes in life afforded me to know.

As a newlywed of only three whole months, I realize I’ve been single in every decade of life. From my first high school heartbreak to all of college, to part of my 20s, to my divorce in my 30’s to my early 40s and now, finally I’m married again to my very best friend. With that, came a lot of opportunities, as I now like to call them, to see singlehood differently, realize the error of my (old) ways, work on fixing those things which had hindered me (like my sassy, quick-witted mouth), learn from those around me and get myself together. I, by no means, know all there is to know about singlehood, but let’s just say singlehood and I tangoed enough over time for me to at least figure out 26 nuggets to share with you. The most important of them all is that being single is a blessing, if you allow it to be.

Here’s 1-8. Stay tuned for Parts 2 and 3 coming soon!

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  • A-Attitude adjustments are a must through each season of singlehood. You won’t always like it, but that doesn’t have to affect who you are or how you see yourself.
    • I would be dishonest, also known as a liar, if I painted being single as peaches and cream with a cherry on top. It’s not. With that said, there is a LOT about it which single people may not like. When those times arise, it’s important to keep attitudes in check as not to further delay the process and progress.
  • B-Be not deceived by the myths of marriage…It’s not always fun. It doesn’t cure whatever was wrong before you said “I Do”. A slothful single woman can easily become a lazy married one.  An angry single woman can easily become a married bitter wife. Marriage is WORK!!!! It’s more than about cuddling, cute selfies and hot sex.
    • Reality shows, social media, other people’s marriage, possibly even one’s own first marriage might have painted a picture of marriage which simply isn’t real, or isn’t real all the time.
  • C-Celebrate the milestones of others who are walking paths you desire to tread…weddings, anniversaries, new babies. (Even throw the celebrations yourself!)
    • Wanna show God you trust Him? Do something for someone else in the very area you’re waiting on Him to do something for you.
  • D-Do things now which will benefit you later…save money, protect your credit, balance your schedule and bank statements, manage your household duties, take care of yourself.
  • E-Enjoy controlling your coming and going, your calendar, the remote, the thermostat and the radio.
    • That really is a blessing!!! (Ask me how I know as I have to watch movies and sports sometimes when I’d rather watch Food Network and HGTV all the time.)
  • F-Forgive any and everyone who needs to be forgiven, including yourself.
    • Do this as often as needed.
  • G-Get out of your head with the “by this age I shoulda” dates and age ranges which aren’t fair or feasible.
    • God does NOT operate on your calendar, schedule, timeframe or deadline. And that’s a GOOD thing! The sooner that’s realized the better life will be.
  • H-Heal from past hurts, self-inflicted and otherwise.
    • You know what’s hurting you. Do something about it now. Get help for it so that you don’t run the risk of hurting that man God is preparing to find you. (If you think God is going to let your pain hurt a husband…well, let’s just say He loves him, and you too much for that…which may explain the delay in delivery of your beau, boo or bae.)

To be continued…

@AngelaMichele316

 

 

Recap: Natural Hair and Health Expo 2017

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The sights and sounds of the Natural Hair and Health Expo 2017 (NHHE) are now a memory, but like your favorite hairstyle from the 80s, it’s one which won’t soon be forgotten. Of course there were vendors galore with every, single thing you needed for your hair and health. The event’s Main Stage brought you up-close and personal to the nationally known heavy hitters in hair, health, fashion and business, while at the same time making you feel as comfy and cozy as a warm salon chair on a cold January morning. From the amazing, on-stage stylings of the Visions Beauty Style Team and the NHHE Live Blogger Panel with Q&A featuring nationally known bloggers Clair Sulmers and Tami Reed the Main Stage gave you the best of the business of beauty, hair and fashion.

Huntsville-based Entrepreneur Melody Holt inspired with her “Five Essentials for Building a Multimillion Dollar Family Business” paving the perfect path for The Coca-Cola Company’s Eyvon Austin to share their 5by20 initiative with the women, an amazing effort to empower 5million business women entrepreneurs world-wide. There was more encouragement, inspiration and motivation than a Hallmark store has, and the ladies (and gents) soaked it all up.

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Melody Holt, Holt and Holt

 

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Eyvon Austin, The Coca-Cola Company

Reality star Sheree Whitfield graced the stage with her wit and wisdom on all things fitness, family, fashion and of course, relationships. Local entrepreneur Iyishia Jones of ISHI? Boutiques provided a fashion show rivaling any New York couture catwalk. Hosted by Fashion Stylists to the Stars Goo Goo Atkins, the ISHI? Boutiques collection stole the show.

 

 

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Sheree Whitfield, RHOA

 

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Goo Goo Atkins, Celebrity Stylist

 

Other features rounding out the day included Birmingham’s Keisa Sharpe of Alabama Power, and of course, the Natural Hair and Health Expo Pageant. There were contest winners like Antwane’ Thompson, who won concert tickets to two concerts from Coca-Cola, and Jasmine Ruffin, grand prize winner of a Bahamas Resort Vacation compliments of Coca-Cola and Breezes Resorts and Spas.

 

A cold, soaking Saturday outside in the Magic City was hotter than a new pair of flat irons on the inside of the BJCC for the Natural Hair and Health Expo. And just like my favorite hairstyle from the 80s I can’t wait for it to return again.

@AngelaMichele316

 

Coca-Cola Serves Up Economic Empowerment at NHHE2017

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Saturday, March 11th was all about hair, health, beauty and business for the thousands who attended Birmingham, Alabama’s annual Vision Beauty Distributors’ Natural Hair and Health Expo. To add a burst of flavor in the form of financial and economic empowerment, title sponsor The Coca-Cola Company discussed strategies from its 5by20 initiative to an audience of women wanting to hear more about their efforts to empower.

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The 5by20 initiative was developed in 2010 recognizing that women around the world were already pillars in the business system. “The 5by20 initiative is our company’s global commitment to enable  economic empowerment of 5 million women entrepreneurs across the company’s value chain by the year 2020, said Eyvon Austin, programs director of supplier diversity for Coca-Cola North America. The online sign up program is simple and free, and addresses the most common barriers women face while trying to succeed in the marketplace, while also offering access to trainings, financial services and connections with peers or mentors. Bringing that message home to her Alabama audience, Austin offered practical tips and tools to inspire the women in attendance. With a message to “Transform Your Leadership”, Austin rallied the captivated guests to…INgage the heart, INspire a compelling vision, INvent your winning team and INstill collaboration. She also shared best practices on expressing vision and passion, balancing work and life, and partnering with civic organizations to help support business.

Proving they are beverages and much more, The Coca-Cola Company’s commitment to 5by20 resonated loudly and clearly with the ladies in attendance at the Natural Hair and Health Expo as they freely shared questions, business strategies and desires toward ownership in a moderated Q&A session with Eyvon Austin.

All-in-all it was a truly refreshing time thanks to The Coca-Cola Company’s investment in empowering women.

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@AngelaMMoore316

 

 

Single Ladies, Get It For Yourself

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Single Ladies,

Why in the world would you expect God to give you a man to love you, cherish you, compliment you, help you with your stuff, enjoy time with you, and tell you you’re beautiful when you won’t, or don’t do that for yourself?!?!

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God is a God of order, something which took me a while to realize, particularly while dating. He does things decently and in ORDER. What that means is that He’s not going to bypass you getting it from Him just so you can get it from a man. So go ahead get it for yourself. Tell yourself you love you and mean every single syllable of it. Value your time, your worth and your whole being (even those wiggly and jiggly parts you may not like). Whisper sweet nothings of candid compliments in your own ear. Take your own self out for dinner and a movie. Get your business all the way together from the spiritual, financial, physical, mental, social and emotional points of view. (Pause for the Cause….please don’t feed into the age-old fairytale of a man being your savior. You already have a Savior who knows you and knows what’s best for you. So, just in case this applies, no more waiting around for a man to come in and pay your bills or buy you $30 steak dinner. Pay our own bills. Buy your own steak (or make it yourself). No more waiting around for a man to love you like your father did or love you like your father didn’t. Your Father God loves you WAY more than that, and I dare you to do the same for yourself.) No more thinking a man is going to elevate you in the game. Oh, contraire, homegirl. We actually elevate them. Don’t believe me. Read Proverbs 18:22. So go ahead now and step your game up so you can catapult his.

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Preparation for the future is the best way to make good of the past and make the most out of the present. Wanna be boo’d up, tied down, married off,  lawfully wed, in wedded bliss, or wifeyed? Good! I want you to want too. Listen, I know the Single Sister Struggle can be real. I just got married again less than two months ago and had many years before my first marriage, and many years between my first marriage and my final marriage of wanting to be married. Marriage is WONDERFUL, but it’s also the hardest job in the whole wide world. It’s hard as the dickens! What helps is when the two parties coming together have been getting themselves together under the watchful eye and loving hands of God. So sisters, while you wait you might as well handle you before God hands you to him. Capiche?

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@AngelaMichele316

We Won, Sisters

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She’s been down and out, yet determined to grow up and come up.

She’s been gossiped about and still struts with a mean stride.

She’s been down to a $1 and made her family and her look like a million.

She’s been hurt and even hurt others with her hurt, but got help so she could help others.

She’s been so many versions of herself that even she had to catch her breath to embrace her true self.

She’s been in a nasty, gut-wrenching battle with rejection and disappointment and fought them off through the grace of God.

She’s let her negative mind almost get the most of her, and pulled herself up out of it into a place of perpetual peace.

She’s lived in the past far too long thinking that was as good as it gets, then decided to finally trust the future for even better.

She’s stared fear in the face and almost waved the flag of defeat, but found the strength to tell fear where to go.

She’s been lied to, lied on, and lied about, but still she chooses to love.

She’s used her mind and mouth to pick her own self apart and been put back together again by the gentle hands of her gracious God.

She’s been friended, defriended, and offended, yet still offers forgiveness and welcomes friendship freely.

She’s been so many unfair and unfortunate things she never would have imagined, yet she is still here and therefore she WON.

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She is me. She is you. We are WINNERS. We won, sisters. We WON!

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@AngelaMichele316

The Return of the Lady

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Recently I had an opportunity to spend a Saturday morning with some young girls from Grace House and young women from the University of Montevallo’s Mu Mu Chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. who were my captive audience for a training on Dining Etiquette.

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It had been a while since I’d done any group talks and quite honestly I didn’t realize how much I missed it until sharing that time with the ladies and little ladies. Like, I really miss speaking regularly. Their questions and responses were thought-provoking, sincere, hilarious, encouraging, hilarious (I know I’ve already said that), gasp-inducing and inspiring all at the same time. They all participated and were engaged, and sent a clear message to me that, regardless of what the media says or what we might see regarding girls and young women, the return of the lady is inevitable.

Yes, we debated who was better, Beyoncé or Kevin Gates (who? what?), but we also talked about which fork to use, what’s appropriate to discuss at the table, how to slice a bone-in, fried chicken breast with poise and elegance (and still get all of the skin and juicy, meaty goodness) and how to engage in effective networking at “fancy” functions. Sure, we talked about why it’s not a good idea to place gum behind our ears or on the rim of our plates, why “smacking somebody” is not the answer or why we can’t take crab legs from a buffet, but we also embarked on a stirring dialogue about the fact that each and every one of them will be someone BIG someday and deserved a seat at the table, and not just a seat at the table, but some undeniable influence as to what was being served, and preferably positioned at the head of that said table. We absolutely laughed out loud, when teaching each other how to gingerly bite a green, frosted cupcake or cut it with a fork, then sip tea with or without a pinky up. We discussed at length how not to pull out the hot sauce in our bag (swag) to saturate our food at a fru-fru function, and talked about how it’s okay to be classy and respectable and unique and still cute and noticed even in this bare as you dare, be angry, be loud, frown all the time, forget manners, and pop off at will world.

That time with the girls was the perfect balance of what makes a lady. A REAL lady is a woman who is able to put her best foot and best face forward, regardless of her setting or personal circumstance, regardless of her upbringing, regardless of what media or social media says and regardless of what she might have seen before or hasn’t received from others. And a REAL, REAL lady can do that while feeling comfortable and confident never forsaking that fact that she belongs.

So, here’s a snippet of what we discussed. Want more? Email angelamoore316@gmail.com

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Table Talk in the Business World

  • Avoid: religion, politics, sports team talk, inappropriate jokes or topics of conversation.
  • Share the conversation (Don’t be a talking hog).
  • Plan to talk. Know what the topic of the event is and have conversation ready to share.
  • Know the organization or product you’re representing or supporting.
  • Take a deep breath and breathe, especially if feeling out of your comfort zone.
  • Just say no to the telephone while at the table. (That includes snap chatting, texting during the event, answering your phone during the event, not turning off or silencing your phone and any other things we think we can’t go without for that brief 2-3 hours.)
  • Know that you belong at the table, and the head of the table is always for the taking.

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@AngelaMMoore316

Speak Up, Girls

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For my ladies and little ladies…
I’m humbled to have the opportunity to be able to serve as a mentor, especially to young girls and women. It saddens me when, after being asked a question or presented with a problem, their answer is “never mind”, or “It doesn’t matter”, “It’s okay” or “I don’t know” when clearly there is something burning, simmering or stewing inside waiting , deserving and needing to come out. It’s like at that moment, their minds, the media, something passed on or something looked over tells them their voice and views don’t matter.
Of late, with all going on in this country and some collective things a bit closer to home, I’ve been grappling with the when, where, how and how often to use my God-given voice, particularly about those things I know to be unfair, unhealthy, or plain ol’ wrong. The tango in my head between “should I speak up or should I stay silent” has happened one too many times, and to be honest, it shouldn’t have. I take full responsibility for that knowing that the answer is, yes, whether right away or in the appropriate time, I should speak up, speak out or speak on it…whatever the “it” may be in the way most productive to get my point across for the sake of the greater good. I can only imagine that if I have that challenge from time to time some of my younger or less mature sisters must entertain those silencing thoughts all the more.
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Through the wonderful power of Pinterest I’m so grateful for this reminder, and the voice God has given. I truly am. What I realize now more than ever is that the ability of others to hear and understand my voice is not my concern. My charge is to use my voice to the best of my ability. My story counts. My views count. My perspective counts. My vantage point counts. My process counts and my opinions count, whether liked, approved, understood or not. Period.
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@AngelaMMoore316