Single Mothers, Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving!

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In February 2010, my 1st husband announced he no longer wanted to be married… to me. With those words, I became:

  • Unmarried
  • Without a job
  • Without a church home (there is no first lady without a husband first)
  • Without health or life insurance
  • Without a cell phone plan
  • Without certainty of where I would live
  • And a reluctant single “mother”

My 1st husband and I never had biological children, but were blessed to be chosen as godparents to some amazing kids. One of them, at the tender age of 13 came up to me with her squeaky, demanding voice and said, “Help me find a job and be my godmama.” Taken aback by both, I said okay, and okay. No one could have known that two years later her mother, who worked for my 1st husband and me at the time would die within months of her diagnosis of cancer.

Rakia, and her siblings found themselves without a mom, but with a loving grandmother who took them in. When Rakia entered college the next year and year one of college away from home wasn’t what we wanted it to be she decided to transfer to The University of Montevallo and live with us. And live with us she did! She was a JOY!!!!!

So without the trials of labor I had the blessing of:

  • Teaching her how to fry chicken
  • Watching the best and worst of reality TV with her
  • Talking about boys
  • Teaching her etiquette
  • Reminding her how NOT to break a curfew
  • And now seeing her at almost 30 being a wife and amazing mother

My first marriage, was semi-decent until that night in my den when my starter husband said, he thought he was like Paul in the Bible and not supposed to be married. What the Hall and Oates did he say?!?!?! How was I supposed to hide my tears (and inner #35211) when a 21-year-old was upstairs in hearing distance hurting almost as badly as I was and when we were just months from her graduating college?

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If I was able to crawl out of bed with bags under my eyes she was watching. If I wanted to strangle him or SNAP she was watching. If I didn’t clean my plate (and I loved food) she was watching. She was watching because that was what she’d always done in days far more favorable.

One day, a couple of months into the REAL “he’s acting like he doesn’t even know me like I’m some stranger who did him dirty” U-G-L-Y side of my divorce things must have gotten the best of me. I don’t know if I looked bad, or said something contrary to my faith, but my mother uttered some profound words. I was getting ready to go to Superior Grill to meet a friend also going through a divorce and my Mama told me and told me to tell her… Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving!

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It was as simple as that. I knew she was telling me it was time to get it together, act like it and look like it too. I knew I must have had the devil and his deviletts think they’d won. So she told me to Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving! I did.

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Single moms, yes, you’re single…whether UNFORTUNATELY, UNPREDICTEDLY, THROUGH DEATH, DIVORCE OR BY CHOICE. Yes, however you got here might have hurt like heck. Yes, it might seem like he’s doing better than you with his new bae or boo. Yes, it’s not fair. Yes, to all of the things which would be answered YES. But, regardless… Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving!

In hindsight I know now that…

  • The lipgloss represented her order that I get my shine back and put my best face forward.
  • The high heels spoke to her command that I rise up, get my pep back and put my best foot forward.

 

  • Keep it Moving was her demand to not look back and put my best faith forward. Point. Blank. Period.

The time for waiting on life to start over is OVER. Life is well on its way to being exactly what it’s meant to be for you, and yours! And your kids are watching and being shaped by your actions and reactions! It’s time to LIVE, look like it and know that Life Gets Better!

So do something for yourself!

  • Get up and take a shower then spray yourself with that fancy perfume you’ve been keeping for a “special day”.
  • Finish a complete meal regardless of how the hurt tries to tell you not to eat.
  • Start saying “yes” when people ask you to do things and come out of isolation.
  • Go to a women’s retreat, a single mother’s conference, or a “can you help me with this pain” program.
  • Go to a movie…and I don’t mean the latest Frozen flick with your kids. Get a sitter, take a half day at work, go to the cheap Tuesday show and sit in the dark with grown people and popcorn.
  • Plan a trip out of town (Groupon and girls trips are the BEST!)
  • Get a massage or a manicure. (Groupon is the BEST!)
  • Join a gym and make your house an at-home “get myself toned, tight and right” spot
  • Write a book. (Somebody needs to have your testimony at the side of their bed at all times to help them make it out of bed.)
  • Learn how to garden, change a tire, or cook a real meal.
  • Sell your Mama’s famous chili recipe, your homemade door signs or get a trade that will make you a better woman…and some money.

And whatever you do, Put on Your Lipgloss, Your High Heels and Keep It Moving…because they’re watching!

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@AngelaMichele316

The ABC’s of Singlehood pt. 3

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Being single can be HARD! It can also be very helpful in shaping women and men to become better for the next level of life whether marriage is included or not.

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As mentioned in my previous blog post The ABC’s of Singlehood pt. 1 and The ABC’s of Singlehood pt. 2, in March 2017 I had an opportunity to speak to single women and married couples at the Can You Relate Conference 2017 hosted by Algernon and Taneisha Tucker. It was great for me too as my newlywed husband and I learned so much from the others. I spoke on the ABCs of Singlehood and thought I’d share a the last tidbits of what God and a lot of mistakes in life afforded me to know.

Here’s the rest…which happens to start with Rest.

R-Remember to rest. You can’t want a man to take care of when you don’t take care of yourself.

S-Stay far, far away from the wrong somebodies. (You know exactly who they are. You know exactly what they do or you do that doesn’t need to be done. The date, location, or faces may change, but the foolishness which ALWAYS comes remains the same.)

T-Trust the process and purpose of singlehood. God knows what He’s doing, when He’s done and why it took so long in the first place.

U-Use this time to travel and have FUN! By no means is singlehood a green light to be boring. Be safe, but have fun. Be wise, but live. Be frugal but explore, learn, go and see.

V-View singlehood as a blessing, and treat it as such.

W-Work out. (Yikes!) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in the hands of the one who takes care of her temple. Firm hips, pouty lips and how low you can dip are not guaranteed.

X-eXude eXcellence Yes, I cheated with this letter. Carry yourself in such a way that greatness, love, humility and confidence, kindness, poise, and contentment are what others see.

Y-Yield to wisdom from those who know what you don’t yet know, like the married people, divorced people and single people who are perfectly okay where they are.

Z-Zip your lips to complaining about any and all seasons of your singlehood. Don’t cancel your own blessings by complaining.

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@AngelaMichele316

It’s My Facebookaversary

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On June 19, 2010 my life forever changed. I know that sounds dramatic…but…that’s the day I finally joined Facebook! I’ll admit, I was NOT on the FB bandwagon when it was first introduced to people of a particular age (as in my friends). I’d seen and heard about the infamous “inboxing”. I’d seen it capture and corrupt the attention of someone I knew well, and not in a positive way. I’d heard about the “mess” that ensued as people expressed their thoughts, two cents, opinions and unsolicited advice. I just didn’t want any part of it.

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However, since posting my first inspirational quote and the first pictures of a photo shoot of my sister as she was about to POP just before giving birth to my new niece, to sliding in a few “my husband left me a few months ago and I’m going to smile and show off my long hair as best I can” photos, Facebook has become my way to connect/reconnect with SO many. What a wonderful seven years it has been catching up with, and getting to know you all on Facebook, then slowly inching my way to the likes of Instagram, Twitter, WordPress, Pinterest and Linkedin.

(See my first two profile pics…Whew! That girl was doing everything in her God-given power just to smile. I’m proud of her!)

One of my first Profile Pics
One of my first Profile Pics

Social media is a powerful tool, people. I’ve seen it be a blessing to me and so many. I’ve sadly seen from a firsthand perspective how it has been used to divide and misguide stirring up the most seemingly uncontrolled spirits of division, comparison, jealousy, low self-esteem and plain ol’ meanness that I’ve seen in all my life.

For me, I’d like to think Facebook and its friends to be the place where I can laugh, cry, learn and “like” all in one post. It’s where my words and videos live whether they come at 3am in the morning or in the middle of a meeting where I should be paying attention and can’t, and where my blogging bug took over. It’s where the most beautiful babies, weddings, proms or parties light up a feed. I’ll admit, it’s also where my investigative eyes roamed, or my “I’ll show you what you’re missing” pictures/posts prevailed. It’s where I learn of my favorite concerts coming, shows to watch, and new words to say (or not say…like On Fleek…LOL!) It’s where my eyes are opened to the social, civic and political climates of this wild and wacky world in which we live. It’s where my mind is challenged by people who I didn’t even know could think so very deeply. It’s where I rep my school…Roll Tide!

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It’s where I’ve been consoled and console as life’s tragedies, divorces, death, physical challenges and trials are not just shared, but covered in serious prayer. It’s where my memories in pictures live, not just for today, but for the tomorrows when those pictures may be all someone has. It’s where my spirit is fed as I have soooooooooo many Jesus loving and inspirational, regardless of their faith, friends. It’s where my relationships are restored (Hey, today is the day I reconnected via a FB request with an old boyfriend from the 90s turned good friend named Aquil…and look at us now! Happy “we met again on Facebook” Anniversary, husband!). It’s where a middle of the day meme can send me into the most uncontrollable laugh just when I need it most. It’s where my fashionistas serve up couture and discount offerings like a Waffle House waitress working for her biggest tip. It’s where at-home-cooks and diners-out post food pics or restaurant recommendations that make me salivate like a toddler in a dentist’s chair. It’s where people share their lives as much as, as best as and as often as they can for those in which they care to connect.

Despite any of the negative which transpires on my timeline from time-to-time I’m grateful for the family and friends who bless me each time I scroll my timeline. You are my inspirations! Keep up the great posts!

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@AngelaMichele316

One Day You May Have to Come Back

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Hey Friends,The things I did in my 20s…Whew, that’s all I’ll say. 😂

I’m so glad to be able to return to some places better than before. (And that they let me come back, despite my juvenile ways concerning my faux boo, how I handled business, what I wore to work and more.)

#growthisgood #dontmixbaeandbusiness #actlikeyoumaycomeback

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With love,

Your Girl Angela ❤️

@angelamichele316

Love Your Body…Big or Small

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Hey Friends,
Body image can be a monster! Whether we think we’re too big or too small, especially when we’ve been “fine or foxy” before, our view of ourselves can really mess us up.

I dare you to love you right where you are even if you don’t want to stay there, and not hide who you are. Medicines may affect us. Babies will change us. Illness can alter us physically, but none should change our minds about how beautiful we are.

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With love,

Your Girl Angela❤️

@angelamichele316

Your Mind’s Playing Tricks on You

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The mind can be a mess. It can also be a blessing. Either way it’s the collector and receptacle of all things Y-O-U, whether good or not. With that said, it’s also a liar…a lot. There’s nothing like a tainted mind from a scarred heart, twisted interpretation, unhealthy self-esteem or unfortunate experience that jacks you up in the worse way ever with thoughts which simply shouldn’t be…if you don’t do something to heal it.

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I was perusing social media and saw some posts from someone who seemingly has a very negative perception about people.  This person’s posts were mostly subtle or direct posts about how people (mis)treat this person, rising above people, payback for people, etc. Sadly, this persons life is likely like that as well. It was painful to read because I can’t imagine living in such a cynical, negative and guarded state. I also can’t imagine how living life through that muddy mind filter might have prevented this person from having healthy, abundant and real relationships with various people this person probably has isolated, thought was against him/her, talked about badly or simply didn’t trust. And I’m Certain (with a capital C) that at the end of the day all this person really wanted was healthy, abundant and real relationships with various people.

I know this person is not alone in the “Your Mind’s Playing Tricks on You” saga.

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Here are the facts in case your mind forgot…

  • It’s not as bad as you think.
  • People aren’t always as bad as you think.
  • Not as many people hate you as you think.
  • Not as many people hate on you as you think.
  • Not as many people even think about you as much as you think they think about you.
  • Not everyone is against you.
  • Sometimes it’s not them you don’t trust it’s you. (Just being honest)
  • Unresolved pain can cloud clear thinking…for as long as you allow it.
  • Your own thoughts and actions can do far more harm than anyone else’s can.
  • There are people who love you.
  • There are people who understand you.
  • There are people who can be trusted.
  • The game of isolating people before you think they’re going to isolate you still leaves you isolated.

And lastly….

  • Sometimes how you feel others feel about you is really how you feel about yourself.

 

@AngelaMichele316

FIVE Days to #WEEatTogether17

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WE Eat Together Fundraiser  is returning with an evening of delectable foods from WE Community Cafe, live music, a silent auction, and big city fun with friends overlooking the breathtaking landscape of downtown Birmingham. The event is set for Thursday, May 25th from 5:30pm-7:30pm on the stunning Kress Rooftop atop the Kress Building located at 301 19th Street North, Birmingham, AL. WE Eat Together Fundraiser benefits the healthy living programs of Urban Ministry, including WE Community Gardens, an urban oasis where young men are trained and employed in areas of gardening, composting, and bee keeping to then sell fresh, affordable produce or give to those in need and WE Community Cafe, a pay-as-you-can social enterprise cafe in the heart of West End which feeds people from all walks of life, and employs inner city interns to increase economic opportunity and professional development.

I’ll be there and hope you can make it or make a donation at: https://weeat.swellgives.com/user/angela.abdurrasheed for #WEEatTogether17

These wings will be waiting….

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@angelamichele316