Sometimes You Have to Do What You Have to Do

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I just love my friends. While, not many in number, the ones I do have all serve a wonderful purpose for me, and I hope I do the same. An early morning text-fest with one of my dearest buddies in another part of the country confirmed this post I was working on, and prompted the title, “Sometimes You Have to Do What You Have to Do”.

Is it just me or does it appear for anyone else, that the older you get the more you have to do things you don’t want to do? I thought adulthood meant more control over matters mattering to me, when actually it means making more tough choices. Go figure.

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Anywho, my sister-friend and I were discussing friendship. She was relinquishing a new personal friendship she thought was promising, and was looking forward to.  She was reshaping her circle of friends and desiring some special, new people to share her amazing world. I too have had to rethink some friendships in years past, and as recently as right now, as I’ve maturely evaluated the expiration date on some long-standing associations, and am positioning myself to allow the pruning to take place. That’s a tough pill to swallow or chew, especially if you’re social and enjoy the blessings of true friendship like we do. This morning, in fact, I asked God to enlarge my social circle. I guess one sure fire way for that to happen is for me to make room by allowing some faces and spaces to be moved.

But it’s not just making tough choices in friendships. Adulthood also means going places you don’t want to go for the sake of the greater good. (Think of that family function or office event you dread.) Giving things you really don’t have in abundance to spare for the purpose of another. (Like clothes, money when you’re in need of money or a coveted parking space at the mall during Christmas shopping season.) Sticking in jobs you are ready to transition from because wisdom tells you it’s best to wait when your emotions are speaking something totally different. (No explanation needed). The list of “I REALLY don’t want to do this, but I will” can go on and on. I suspect, the older I get, the more it could really grow longer.

The beauty of it all is that one day it will make sense. And usually the more I’ve not wanted to do something that I’m clearly going to have to do anyway, the better I am in the long run.

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@AngelaMMoore316

I Owe You, Girl

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A funny thing happened to my Hotmail account. It flashed back to 2008 and is permanently stuck there on my phone, totally disregarding all other correspondence from then until now. While deleting several dozen emails representing My Life: Phase 1 I found some old pictures from way back in the 90s.

Let me just say, the Lord has a sense of humor. The few pictures which stuck out most were ones of me at some of my career highs and personal lows in My Life: Phase 1. I looked at them with an equal amount of overwhelming proudness from the woman I saw, as if she wasn’t me. I looked at them also as a reminder of who I really am, what I’m made of, from where I’ve come and Who’s in control. (Not to mention I LOVE the spark of sass I saw even through the grainy-ness of those forgotten photos.)

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To the high heels everyday, blue suit and fierce, precision, layered red hair wearing go-getter, who would get up at 3:30am drive to one part-time job clear across town from her Highway 280 apartment, then burn rubber in her champagne gold Nissan Maxima to her head her full-time news gig at 9am, work until the news demanded no more, and still make time to take time for herself, her friends, a bustling social life, lots of community service, active work in the church and of course, time for family I say, “thank you for reminding me of what’s in me.” I owe you, girl.

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To the naïve, young woman full of hopes and dreams and love and expectations at her engagement party beaming on the stairwell with thoughts of what God desires for her and of her, excitedly posing at the exact place which would ultimately end up being her place of employment after the elaborate engagement party hosted for the wonderful wedding which led to a short-lived marriage ending in divorce (and the desperate need for employment in My Life: Phase 2) I say “thank you for reminding me of what’s in me.” I owe you, girl.

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To the woman who endured the PAINFUL, experimental, super long steroid shots in the eye covered by an itchy, irritating as the dickens patch to keep her eye from popping out, taking 17 pills a day, who gained 50 pounds in one month after a fight with Graves Disease and Thyroid Storm tried to send her home to sweet Jesus, but couldn’t (BOOM!), yet still monitors and deals with it to this day I say, “thank you for reminding me of what’s in me.” I owe you, girl.

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Here’s what I know. Nothing happens without reason. Today, for some reason, as I sat in delightful solitude at home enjoying my peace and quiet God wanted me to take a look back knowing it was what I needed to help propel me forward. I know he knew that not only could I handle those TONS of emails and pictures representing My Life: Phase 1 without a smidgen of anger, sadness or regret, but that I would view them with lots of smiles and giggles. And, because I know He knows His daughter, I know He knew I needed to be reminded, even through a grainy old photo, of how fly I looked nestled up on that television production board like a boss, so that I could prepare to be one in whatever new and blog-worthy ways He desires in My Life: Phase 2. So to those three versions of me in My Life: Phase 1, I say I owe you, girl. Your struggle, sass and sense of survival was not in vain. I hope to make you proud.

@AngelaMMoore316

 

What Is Your Super Power? by Kushuna Williams

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***This inspiring post is by guest blogger Kushuna Williams, as featured in the feature picture with me sporting her big smile and even bigger heart.***
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It’s no secret that my life did a total 180 degree turn when I was laid off from a company that I had been employed with for 7 years. When I first got laid off, I was full of “this is God’s will” or “the plans that God has for me are great” and “God has something better”…. well these words began to drift slowly away from my vocabulary as I continued to be laid off. It became increasingly difficult to chant them with confidence, especially when the one year mark came up and I still have not found a job in my field. I can remember the confidence I had in my education, work experience and well written resume, but these things have not been instrumental in helping me to become employed in my desired field with a salary that is more than just minimum wage.

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I’m no stranger to the disappointments that life just tosses at you. I’ve had family issues, less than enough finances, more than enough bills, car accidents, health woes, friends that turned into enemies and enemies that turned into guardian angels. I think back on ALL those life lessons and often wondered why those things didn’t have the emotional impact that being laid off has had on me. Some of those things were actually more difficult especially the year I was involved in two car accidents where I totaled two vehicles. The difference: GRATITUDE. I somehow made gratitude my attitude of choice. My ability to be resilient and effervescent during those tough times came from a sincere attitude of thankfulness. I was able to be content in midst of every situation because I chose to be grateful. Gratitude was my superpower, and some where between January 2015 and lately I have forgotten my super power. I spent a lot of time being bitter, complaining, crying, wondering why me or when will it be me…God owes me NOTHING. I made up in my mind that something HAD to change, my negative emotions were making me sick, literally. God reminded me of my super power; that gratitude for what you already have will make you reevaluate what you think you need. I WANT a job in my field, a bigger home, my savings account to look like it did before I lost my job, and to be pregnant. What I HAVE is a job that is stable, a loving/praying husband that is content with our current living space, an opportunity to learn how to be wife before I become a mom and a God that has promised and proven to perfect everything that concerns me. Gratitude is my super power, it might not necessarily be your super power, but it couldn’t hurt sprinkling it everywhere!
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Settling is for Quakers

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Lately my “settle game” has been tested. Like a college student on edge with rapid fire final exams, I’ve been being faced with test, after test, after test on whether or not I would settle. From career opportunities I’ve mustered up courage and sense enough to say “no” to, to truly examining my deserved preferences in a mate, owning my pickiness and sticking to it like Elmer’s Glue from the 70’s (not this new-fangled stuff), even to knowing my financial aptitude right now and not budging from that budget, I’ve been serving up slices of “no settle” like nobody’s bees-wax.

Before I proceed let me just say I feel like, of late, I’ve been talking about relationships/boos and baes a lot on my blog. That certainly is not the center of my attention at the time, but the topic just keeps coming up in my circle. So while the frequent posts are not on purpose, they must somehow be. Anywho, I was talking to a relative about why we’re still single. She offered the notion that we’re just too “special” and there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re like that limited edition whatever it is which is worth waiting for. The same must be so for our boos because they are certainly taking the long walk home.

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Anywho, again…I was also talking to an associate about another associate, who, by all accounts fits the bill in most of my “must haves”, especially the way he dresses. (Call me shallow. I care not…LOL!) Still, there were things important to me which were not present. So I’ll pass. Let me proudly say that the Angela of old would have overlooked those few, albeit important factors as she fatefully did in the past and settled only temporarily until it drove her NUTS because she knew better in the beginning. Not so now, honey. Not so now.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely know that there are things in life which occur by the gentle (or not so gentle) command of our caring God which cause us to do things which others, self included, might deem as settling. I’m not speaking to those things. If God almighty says it we have to do it. I’m referring to the things which we know without a shadow of a doubt are not for us yet we settle still. That’s not the business. That’s some trouble waiting to hijack your life’s story.

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So I leave you with this as I hopefully graduate soon from Settling 401: The Advance Course. Settling is for Quakers. It’s as simple as that. Just because it worked for them doesn’t mean it works for you.

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@AngelaMMoore316

Help for the Chick on the Side

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Now that I have your attention let me say “Gotcha”!!!!!! Surely you didn’t think I would peck out a post about side-chicks in the urban sense of the term. No ma’am. No sir. Not here. Not ever. This post is for the professional woman who has found or finds herself as the 2nd in command, the behind the scenes builder-upper, the “doo-wop-bop” background girl, the right hand woman, the vice to the president, the assistant to the director, the make it happen helper or whatever the title may be.

While brushing my hair recently, a thought more than 15 years old came to mind. I was reminded of the time I worked as a Special Projects Producer at a local television station in Birmingham, AL and uncovered a development in major, major decades old civil rights story. News of the discovery, which involved a sensitive time in history, spread around the country. Soon national talk shows were calling me. I was excited about the possibility of going to Los Angeles to appear on the Leeza Gibons Show. We were working out the details. My parents were proud, especially my Daddy. Then, out of what seemed to be nowhere at the time, I was told I wouldn’t be able to go to the show, but instead the anchor for which I was writing for and working with would go. The words of the hit Gap Band chart topper “You dropped a bomb on me, baby” rose up in me like too much food at a hot State Fair. I was devastated. I was discouraged. I was angry! I was H-O-T, and, in my less mature stage at the time I probably let someone know it.  (BTW…The talk show appearance never panned out, and just a month or so later I found a great, new job.)

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I wish I could say that was my first and last dip into the professional pool of “chick on the side”, but it wasn’t. I’ve spent a great deal of time as someone’s second. For seven years I worked full-time in ministry with my former husband. I was COO to his CEO, which meant a lot of my thoughts and ideas were welcomed, implemented and appreciated by some, and a whole lot more of them were not. That’s the skinny on that which I choose to divulge. I’ve done the same in careers more recently and prior to. I’ve been a COTS…a Chick on the Side. The fact of the matter is, it’s hard being the business chick on the side. The responsibilities are high. The pay, at least in my cases, is certainly not. The position can be supported. The position can also feel stifling. The pedestal of expectations is lofty. The path to discouragement at the actions of others can go low. The passion is often present. The motivation to carry on in the midst of madness can fizzle like a bottle of 7-Up with the top left off. The ‘I’m glad to be here” is awesome. The “I’m so over this” is awful. The prestige of the position can be intoxicating. The “real deal, behind the scenes truth” can be suffocating. The love of the people can be uplifting. The loss of that love can be gut-wrenching.

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So what’s a girl to do? Glad you asked. Not that I plan on being a COTS (Chick on the Side) all of my life, but if the Lord values my gifts from Him enough to trust me to use them to uplift others then the least I can do is:

  • Pray for the leader(s).
  • Be grateful for my position, regardless.
  • Be grateful that I don’t have to carry the full weight of the job even if it feels like it sometimes, and especially when things go awry.
  • Watch out for, try to help avoid, learn from and never repeat the mistakes of others.
  • Borrow from the brilliance of others. (No need in being that close and not catching some of what’s flowing from the top.)
  • Stay humble. (Pride can attack a COTS like nobody’s business, especially in the area of hurt feelings. Ask me how I know.)
  • Develop my passions while trying to help others live theirs.
  • Keep the gritty and grimy confidential (a perfect COTS keeps it quiet.)
  • Stay motivated for now, and definitely for later.

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@AngelaMMoore316

The ABCs of a Sophisticated Lady: Working it in the Workplace

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At the invite of a colleague recently I had an opportunity to talk about Hygiene and Professional Attire to a group of aspiring, young students in a work development program from the Birmingham, Alabama area. My purpose was to directly speak to the women, while another expert was sent to speak to the young men. As teens would have it, both our conversations became all-inclusive, and boy-oh-boy did we learn as much from them as they did from us.

That morning session with those 80 students prompted this post on the ABCs of a Sophisticated Lady: Working it in the Workplace

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A-Attitude adjustments work well in the workplace.

B-Bathe daily (or twice daily if needed).

C-Comb and Care for hair daily (or more often if needed). Our hair (whether grown or purchased) is our crowning glory. Take care of your hair through regular shampooing, conditioning, trimming, through styles fitted for your face, colors fitting your professional positions or aspirations and styles fitting your budget. Don’t buy a $200 bundle of 14 inch Bobbi Boss Remi weave if you can only afford a $29.99 Hair Gallery special.

D-Deodorant is a must to prevent one from being musty. Be sure to choose a brand that is right for your body, and one which doesn’t cake up or show through sleeveless clothing.

E-Eat a healthy and hearty breakfast like a queen, a light and filling lunch like a princess and a reasonable dinner like a diva who wants the best for her body now and in years to come.

F-Find a good support team. We all need someone to tell us when our slip is showing (Google slip if you need to), when our attitude needs adjusting, when we need to improve or when there’s broccoli in our teeth.

G-Give back to those who are where you once were. No sense in a sophisticated lady keeping all of her goodness to herself.

H-Hang with the right crowd, especially around the water cooler.

I-Invest in a few professional, statement pieces. A blouse, some nice slacks, a standard suit and a comfy pair of pumps should always be available.

J-Join groups to help you develop spiritually, professionally, socially and academically.

K-Keep spare clothing, flat shoes, hygiene products, lip gloss, a nice snack and mints in case needed at work.

L-Lotion on feet, arms, legs, elbows and other places saves the day. (Enough said…and if lotion isn’t sufficient petroleum jelly works just as well as it did in the 70s.)

M-Manage your workload so that you are able to balance your professional and personal life.

N-Never underestimate the power of a consignment shop, thrift store, or fine garment from Wal-mart or Ross Dress for Less.

O-Own up to your flaws, but don’t hesitate to work to get rid of them.

P-Poise in the midst of chaos or confusion always comes in handy.

Q-Quit procrastinating. There’s nothing glamorous about being slothful.

R-Remember to rest.

S-Sit pretty so that the world won’t be able to see what lies beneath.

T-Teeth should be daily brushed, flossed, freshened with mouth-wash and refreshed with mints when needed (as often as needed).

U-Undergarments serve a purpose. (Don’t forget the benefit of Spanx, girdles, slips, stockings and a bunch of other support garments.)

V-Very little perfume, jewelry and other accessories go a long way.

W-Work out for now and for later (Trust me, this one caught be by an unfortunate surprise around age 33L)

X-eXude eXcellence. Yes, I cheated with this letter, but I’m sure you can see why. As women we have to carry ourselves in such a way that greatness, elegance, leadership, humility, kindness, joy, peace, and success are what others see…even when we don’t feel like it, and especially in the workplace.

Y-Yield to wisdom from those who know what you don’t yet know.

Z-Zip your lips to workplace gossip, complaining, undermining and murmuring. 

@AngelaMMoore316