Divorce 101: Hush Up, Please

Recently two well-known stars have been in the news following events surrounding their divorces to their spouses. I made the mistake of reading comments in the various social media posts about their individual situations. In the words of Denise Williams, “silly of me.” People were BRUTAL, with a capital B! Boy, you would have thought they were the ones who said “I do” and “I don’t” and lived through whatever these two and their spouses experienced. People were flat out arguing with one another on thread upon thread, stating their “opinions” as if they were the God-almighty facts. It made me angry. Then it made me feel even more silly for entertaining that kind of banter with my eyes. Bless my heart.


I’ll be honest, I was drawn in to the conversations because I know how the masses can misinterpret, mess up, make up and make even more messy something, which by design, does not need anyone’s help to be any more hurtful or, well, messy. My antennas go up now like an umbrella in a rainstorm when it comes to divorce and how people who experience the awfulness of divorce are treated. They are humans. Point. Blank. Period. So when I read the litany of “I heard she did this”, “I think she should pay that”, “I heard he said this”, “You know they say blanket, blank was involved”, “Somebody told me he took all her money”, “She need (no “s” added) to get a job”, “I heard he bought her a house and she took his money”, “I found out he did that to the kids”, “I know she didn’t want his baby”, “You know she (no “s” added) crazy”, and so on and so on and so on I was fired up like they were talking about me.

Listen here, please ma’am and sir. The worse thing you can do for someone who is already going through something as bad as divorce is to put your two cents in, even on social media, when you otherwise had no investment. I don’t care if they’re your blood relative, best friend, church member, leader, coolest co-worker, favorite star, political figure, or the likes you DO NOT know all that happened and shouldn’t care to comment whether you know facts or not. I don’t care what the vocal one tells you and what the silent one doesn’t say. You don’t know what happened, why, when and what’s next. Okay? Okay. People tell you and show you what they want you to know. Please believe that. Also, they are humans with children and families and lives to live after starting over. Don’t let your hurtful (and often non-factual) speculative words add more fuel to the fire. Some people, stars included, are literally on the brink of giving up after their loss and one wrong word at the wrong time could send them over the edge. Don’t do that to them simply because you can’t squash the gossip bug brewing in your spirit which tells you to talk about someone else’s tragedy (especially if you’re doing it to make yourself feel better).

What you should do is pray, and pray like nobody’s business that you never find yourself on the prickly side of that proverbial fence. So please hush with the “I heards…” of the world. You never know who your words hurt.



Who Gon’ Check Me, Boo?


Yeah, yeah, yeah…I hear you already. I bet you’re thinking, “has she lost her mind?” I know you’re wondering what kind of post is called “Who Gon’ Check Me, Boo?” Well, this one is, but likely it’s not for reasons you might have thought.

The infamous phrase coined by then famous Real Housewives of Atlanta star Sheree Whitfield was spoken during a heated shouting match years ago about something simple that I can’t clearly recall. But in this day and age where people take the liberty to throw their two cents and a side of shade (that’s another word for hate in a more youthful vernacular) in about any, and everything in other people’s lives I propose the we ask ourselves the question, “Who Gon’ Check Me, Boo?”

Don’t fret with trying to come up with an answer. I already have one. We need to CHECK ourselves. From the television media, to magazines, to insta-journalists (those that aren’t still paying student loans or have a degree like others and I to accurately report without bias or opinion), to social media and the likes there is a rapid onslaught of plain ol’ meanness. Some people hate people for not lining up with their personal beliefs, and they have no problem angrily saying it and showing it. Some people label people as “people who hate people” for not agreeing with their personal lifestyle, and they have no problem furiously saying it and showing it. Some people slander people like they’re clocking in earning a living putting people down. While others take delight in the downfall of those who are down like someone else’s down equals their come up. It’s a mess. A mess, I tell ya! The thing about hate is that it never helps anyone. The hater (and I mean the true definition of hater, someone, according to Merriam-Webster with: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury) may advance, but only for so long, and the in-between and aftermath of what transpires in the lives of those there to witness what happens leave far-reaching effects I’m afraid the world isn’t equipped to handle. Enough already! Or in the (remixed) words of Prince Rogers Nelson, “shut, already, darn!

young prince

So I ask you to join me in asking us again, “Who gone check me, boo?” And in the words of Ice Cube (Westsiiiiiiiiiiide), Das EFX or whoever said it first, “You better check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.” And in the words of Rodney King (RIP), “Can we, can we all get along? Can we, can we get along?” Peace.