Uuuggghhhh! Why Do You Have to Be So Happy?

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It’s not often I spill the tea. I’d much rather savor a warm Orange Pekoe Spice Blend of it with a hint of Earl Grey, while my pinky is slightly lifted and my head tossed ever so gently back. Anyhow, today I’m spilling some tea (also known as the 411, information, deets, da truth, the business, beeswax and a bunch of other colloquialisms of which I’ve not yet become hip to). Today I’m spilling the tea on how hurting people often feel about happy people. Baby, a person hasn’t smiled until he or she has had to smile for someone who has what was once had or what we want to have, and we need to be, have to be and should be genuinely happy for them.

Is it just me or is it sometimes hard to be happy for others when hurting in the area in which they are happy? This is especially so with the increasing popularity of social media. Pics, posts and timelines can sometimes cause in a tailspin.  I know I’m not the only one who has felt this way, or at least I hope. I could tell some stories about smiling on the outside with a bunch of “why not me” on the inside as I mustered through enough internal fortitude to hold back tears and simultaneously saying congrats (congratulations was too big of a word to utter). I can hip you to the game of wanting to shut all the way down on people and social media if I saw one more “I’m getting married. I got a fabulous new job. I went on an exotic vacation. I’m debt free. I’m healed. I have a new house.” post. Not that I’ve lingered in those feelings, but I’d be less than truthful if I said, at times, the raw, initial real emotions stimulated by praying to come out of the negative while a friend is flowing in the financial overflow, or going to a wedding while going through a divorce, or planning a baby shower while baby-less doesn’t sometimes sting like an angry, lower Alabama yellowjacket on a hot August day. It does often sting. Not all the time, but certainly sometimes. And it appears, at least during times where this had been my struggle, that the longer the pain and the subsequent promise I’d been waiting/hoping/praying/believing for as a result of it lingers, the harder the enemy tried to get me to stop sowing seeds of sincere gratitude on behalf of the one who just so happens to have already reaped his or her harvest.

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So what is one to do when one struggles with how to stay connected to, happy for, and inspired by those who were a source of joy prior to the pain? That’s a good question. We have to keep on being happy for the ones who are happy. Sorry, it’s not rocket science, even though it may feel like it at times. I have learned that in those times where I was most challenged in this area the decision to be happy, present, and/or a participant in another person’s blessing did one or two things. It helped usher in my own blessing in my area of need or it served as a needed distraction until that said blessing shows up. Both of those pushed me closer to God so it was worth it.

Will there be times where one simply can’t be there like that fabulous wedding with a candy station and photo booth I missed shortly after my ex-husband left? Absolutely. Will there be times where one tries to maintain the same support or presence as once had, but have to make minor adjustments for sanity’s (or your pocket’s) sake? Yes, ma’am and sir. Will there be times one didn’t think he/she would able to do it, say it, be there or be a part and do it anyway with trembling knees or shaking hands then find out at the end of the day or end of the night that all things are possible? Please believe.

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Whatever happens as a result of what hasn’t happened yet, that internal, sincere place of being happy for those who are happy has to be there and stay there regardless of where we are and what we’re going through. Why? Because we owe it to those who have been there for us to be there for them as best we can through their stages of rejoicing and celebration and through our own personal stages of our healing, restoration or waiting. Plus, the seasons will change and one day we’ll be able to share the goodness of who God is and what He has done, and we want to be able to operate in and exercise compassion for those who are where we once were because we remember how it felt to be there. Now sip on that:)

Better-Days-Ahead

@AngelaMMoore316

Where Does the Hurt Go? Really, Where Does it Go?

Hurt is like garbage. It stinks! Just like garbage, we all have it! Even more like garbage, if you let it sit around without properly tending to it and taking it out it has the ability to stink up the place and the people that around it

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There are many different ways to get rid of garbage.  We can use garbage bags, recycling bins, trash compactors, garbage disposals, toilets, dumps, composts or even burn it. The same is so with hurt.

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There are many constructive ways to deal with what hurts us. There’s prayer, counseling, therapy, support groups, small groups, scriptures, help from loved ones, support from spiritual leaders, crying, screaming, releasing, reading, exercise, journaling, cooking, singing, testimonies from others, time and maturity, a fresh perspective, gratefulness, even a mediator if more than one person is involved. But like garbage, hurt has to get the heck out of dodge!

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There are also many productive things to do as we to through the process to get over being hurt to make sure we are healed and not hindered in the present or future. We can focus on the future, make a list of the good that came out of what we endured, start a project, grow new healthy associations, turn that hurt into a new passion of support for others, start a positive blog, look for ways and reasons to forgive, use that time to redirect, redecorate or even relocate, write a book, spend time with family and friends that offer healthy support, tend to others that might have been affected by what happened, write a song, start a foundation, purposely strive to see the good in others, look for the humor in it, and so on.

The bottom line is, we all hurt or have been hurt. The levels of hurt, seriousness and severity of it might differ from person-to-person and situation-to-situation, but hurt happens. When it does, where does the hurt go? Really, where does it go? Hurt doesn’t disappear with time or vanish like a vapor on a hot summer’s day. It will stick around and stifle things for as long as we let it. Like stinky garbage, we have to do something with what has hurt us. It’s in our best interest long-term and short-term to do something beneficial with it before damage is done. We can profit from what caused us pain. We can do something with it since it’s already done so much to us. The key is to not get stuck, bitter, hopeless, cynical, fearful, untrusting, stagnant and “stanky” infecting or affecting all those who come near. The ticket is not letting past hurt affect future promises. We’re so much bigger than what hurt us. We deserve so much better than what hurt. It’s not what happened that really matters, but how we handle what happened that counts at the end of the day, and knowing that it needs to be and can be handled once, finally and for all.

th8OIUM3M3

@AngelaMMoore316