Starting Over



Starting over can be a lot of things…scary, embarrassing, costly, expensive, hard, time-consuming, tiring, discouraging, upsetting, redundant, a juggling act, foreign to you, challenging, anger-filled, isolating, inconsistent, a mental war, draining, physically overwhelming, a social nightmare, a tough pill to swallow, faith-testing,  peaceless, joy-removing, publicly humiliating, delayed, depleting, spiritually demanding, a failure the first, second or tenth time, mind-boggling, and gut-wrenchingly painful.

However, regardless of how you see it, how you say it, how it feels or what it takes, the courage to start over is always indisputably the best option, unequivocally necessary and absolutely rewarding.

The End.

(or actually…The Beginning.)



What You’re Going Through



Having the privilege to live alone and spend time by myself has given me an insight I don’t think I had or knew I had before when I was busied with the affairs of others. Part of that privilege also extends to being able to wake when I want to, and sometimes when I’m not ready to, to ponder silently or aloud thoughts going through my mind. Case in point, this morning at 1:30am. Why on earth I woke out of a good sleep that early is a mystery to me. I’m glad I was able to go back to sleep and only had to put a little bit of concealer on my already puffy eyes, but in the moments I was up at “0 dark 30” I was inspired with this post. Perhaps it’s for you. I know it’s for me.

  • What you’re going through might have shocked you, but it won’t stop you.
  • What you’re going through is not going to define you, but will catapult you to greatness that defies definition.
  • What you’re going through will be shaped by your own attitude and actions, not those of others. (Check yourself, boo.)
  • What you’re going through is not meant or sent to shame or embarrass you, but to attract an audience front and center to witness the awesomeness that comes out of where you are.
  • What you’re going through may not be easy, but most lasting victories aren’t. (You’re in good company.)
  • What you’re going through is not a step backwards, but a pause/yield/halt/put on the brakes to launch you forward.
  • What you’re going through is not punishment, payback, “a mother” (as in payback is a ‘mother’), Karma, a boomerang effect or what you get for what you’ve done.
  • What you’re going through is not meant to isolate (cut off) you, but insulate (cover) you. (Let that marinate.)
  • What you’re going through is adding to your arsenal of ammunition against fear and doubt, even as it may be trying to make you fearful and doubtful. (No fear. No doubt.)
  • What you’re going through will be rectified in such a way that you’ll one day have to convince others that you’ve actually gone through what you’ve gone through because no negative residue will remain. (Only good.)
  • What you’re going through can’t dim your shine or discount your story. (Don’t let it.)
  • What you’re going through may frustratingly feel like what you’d ALREADY come out of, but that’s because you can be trusted to come out. (Believe that.)
  • What you’re going through is NOTHING new to God and NOTHING too hard for God.
  • What you’re going through is not about you, but all about God getting the glory out of what He’s allowing for your gain and the good of others.



I’m Onboard with My Vision Board

I’ll admit. I like to party. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about the kind of partying that was partly responsible for my 1.8 GPA my first semester in college, but the kind that brings great people, even better food, and some super cool celebrations together no matter how grand or how much grander. So when the thought of a Vision Board Party came to mind I was excited. I admitted to my guests that I’d actually placed more thought in the menu than actually what my vision board would represent, but once I set my mind to it, in the midst of scissors, glue, glitter, stickers, card board, poster board and magazine madness it was like I’d been transported to another world…the future, my future that is. To say the Vision Board Party was fun would be an understatement! There was just something special about being bold enough to put my “bees-wax” on display for others to see. I was shocked I was brave enough to include this:


As much of a romantic, “I believe in love, I know I’m meant to be some Heaven-sent husband’s wonderful wife” I’m focused on a few more important things right now and I don’t want to find a man. He has to find me. So I resisted posting this (even though I was truly tempted…LOL!):


I muddled through the mess that evolved from my dining room floor slightly surprised that there was no mention of material things on my board. Yes, there is an entire section devoted to vacation and travel (a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do), and the word “home” is spotlighted as I’m in need of getting rid of one and securing another quickly and miraculously, but not a mention of cars, purses, shoes, shopping, jewelry or any of the other things the old me would have been pasting like a 4th grader with unlimited glue and glitter gone wild. Instead I was surprisingly focused on things more spiritual, social and physical (like faith, Jesus, healthier food, inspiring quotes and the aforementioned “thighs and butt”), dreams I’ve had and sat on (sometimes nearly suffocating them) like being an author and inspiration, and achieving wealth to receive and share.


Let me tell you how much I was into this party. I was so engrossed with my vision board coming to life that I sat down on the floor. Yikes! Those of you who know me know I’m a girly girl in every sense of the word, opting against things remotely related to being on the floor, being surrounded by clutter, and traipsing back and forth through glitter on the ground and ultimately in my hair. With the blaring background sounds of the Prince station on Pandora not only did I do it, but I didn’t regret it a bit. Since we’re on the subject of your purple highness, if you haven’t listened to the Prince station on Pandora you need to do yourself a favor and listen.  I digress.


I was pleased with my finished product and the finished product of the finished product that I tweaked after all of the guests and chicken wings were gone. Her next step? To hang in my office, in all her neon green glory, as a daily reminder of what my dreams look like so that when I finally see them I’ll know it’s partly because I dared to do so.

PS…If you’ve never had or attended a Vision Board Party I would definitely recommend you do so. I can host it, or be your guest. Because after all, I do like to party, especially when it’s with a purpose.




You Have Permission to Begin Again

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Shhhhh….can you hear that? It’s your mind playing tricks on you and if you’re not careful those tricks can trap you. I’ve heard the whispers just like you. I’m not talking about the whispers of the masses. I’m talking about the whispers of the mind. I’m talking about those subtle words that tap dance through your brain leaving the filthy residue of thoughts like “you’ll never make it”, “things will never get better”,  or “your best days are behind”. Well, I’m here to remind your mind that no matter what, you have permission to begin again.


The key to beginning again is beginning again. Really, it’s that simple! No matter where you are, no matter what you’ve done, no matter what you’ve left and no matter who you’ve lost beginning again is your best plan.

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So how do you begin again? I’m glad you asked.

B-Be honest with yourself as to where and why you need to begin again.

E-Embrace the new beginning whether you want to or not.

G-Give it all over to God.

I-Ignore doubt, pride and ego.

N-Nurture your places of brokenness.


A-Ask for help.

G-Go back home, back to work, or back to school if you have to.

A-Associate with people of greatness and people greater than you.

I- Ignore doubt, pride and ego. (That one needed repeating!)

N-Never give up.

For some, beginning again may not be a one time action. Like your favorite song by your favorite artist you might have to keep it on “repeat”.  But that’s okay. Do what you have to do to be who you’re supposed to be.

Making the choice to go a new path is the best way to get to where you need to go when you’ve ended up where you didn’t want to be. You have permission to begin again!!!!


Wear Your Own Wig


On a previous family trip to Florida one of my favorite cousins and I decided to switch wigs. I was so excited to try hers because on her it looked like a million bucks with change to spare! Her wonderful wig was a beautiful, black, short, precision pixie cut reminiscent of the look made popular in the 60s. She marveled at my “hair accessory”, eager to swap manes. Mine was a mid-length, mixed auburn and brown color, layered look that fell softly in my face just above the left eye. Knowing the investment I made to purchase it, I’ll too say that mine looked like it cost a million bucks with change to spare!


We ripped off our personal pieces and unveiled our “wig caps” for the world to see, okay, not really the world, but our sisters who were waiting to see the by swap. Slowly, and methodically we placed each other’s wigs on our crowns, proceeding to fluff, flatten and fix the tresses in place. Well, wouldn’t you it. We looked a mess. I’m talking a “hot, buttered, smothered, and covered up in hair that should not have been on our heads” mess. We looked so bad in each other’s hair that there is no picture proof of that wig swap ever happening. It was so sad it was funny.

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Only what’s for you is for you. That’s the message I received loudly and clearly while laughing at myself (and my cousin) in the mirror. I just knew without a shadow of a doubt that because the wig looked great on my cousin it would look great on me. We’re cousins after all. We look alike. We should have been able to whip that wig on and pose for more pictures that a high school year book. NOT!


Only what’s for you is for you. I’ve learned this lesson a time or two or ten in life, but it really hit home in that Florida condo as I stood looking like a cross between Wesley Snipes in “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar” and a person in witness protection. What was so absolutely baffling is how we both could be striking in the ones that belonged to us, and we were, but strike out in the manes that clearly did not have our names written on them. Such is the same in life.


Only what’s for us is for us. Whether it’s wigs, jobs, spouses, opportunities or even obstacles. What’s designed and destined for us is for us, and us alone and only we can wear what’s ours well.

The moral of this story is: Do yourself a favor. Wear your own wig.