Being a Wife Didn’t Ruin Your Life

I had a great night’s sleep after Charter decided to go out leaving me TV-less and wireless. That means I rose this morning earlier than normal with a thought on my mind for divorced women. Let me interrupt that thought by adding another thought. I hate the devil, and I’m pretty sure I’m not on his “favorite girl” list. I peeped his game in my own life a few years ago, and would like to call him out today.


Back to the message at hand.

Dear, sweet, beautiful, valuable, worthy, trusted, overcoming divorced woman...Being a wife didn’t ruin your life and the divorce didn’t either. In my Master P voice, ‘ya heard’? That’s right. Being a wife didn’t ruin your life. Don’t buy into the BS (Backwards System) of thinking that your life has been ruined because you honored the holy matrimony of marriage, trusted your spouse, stayed when you could have (Biblically) left him before he left you, believed God, honored God’s words and way (even, and especially when you didn’t want to) or did anything pleasing in the sight of God regarding your now concluded union. Okay? Okay. (And let me say, this absolutely goes for husbands too, who might have had their worlds turned upside down by unforeseen and/or unwanted divorce. Wife and life just rhyme.)

The enemy wants you to believe one thing, versus that which is certified TRUE. So I’m about to spoil his tricks…

  • You didn’t get stuck with the kids. You are simply the one primarily trusted to rear them at this time. What an honor!
  • You are not trapped where you are. You are just under reconstruction with plans for an epic come up and come back.
  • You didn’t leave and lose your career to help your ex-husband. You were professionally, temporarily rerouted to ingnite gifts and passions you didn’t know you had for where you are going. And you’re going somewhere big!
  • You didn’t get the short end of the stick.  What you will get is the ability to use that “short” for something so much greater in the long run.
  • Your finances and credit aren’t ruined because of the actions of others. You are simply perfectly poised for a post worthy miracle.
  • Your love life isn’t over. You are merely under repair for the perfect spouse for you in God’s time and through the beauty of the amazing story he is unfolding.
  • Your children don’t have to suffer. Yes, their lives will be filled with lessons possibly learned earlier than desired, but the ability to love, be loved, have a healthy relationship with both parents, heal (spirit, soul and body), enjoy life and not follow in the footsteps of divorce is theirs.
  • You are not alone. Your marriage might have ended, but there is a God-ordained village around you waiting to support, love, encourage and care for you when you need it most and from some of the most unexpected faces/places. Look for them and let them in.
  • You will not always hurt. You can and will heal if you allow healing to do what healing does…and that’s heal you.


There you have it. Again I say, being a wife didn’t ruin your life and the divorce didn’t either. They just added an extra layer of purpose and power. So if you’ve ever thought that divorce did you in, thinking yourself “dumb, stupid, stuck, trapped, forgotten, or naïve” for believing, trusting, loving and trying your very last best for what you promised God you would try your best for, tell the devil where he can go. Oh wait. he’s already there. No need. Just carry on living and trusting God for greater.



The Divorce Dilemma: What About the Children?


I’m divorced, but I don’t have biological children, nor did I grow up the product of divorce. With those factors taken into account, I did have the privilege of helping rear a beautiful goddaughter, who is grown, but was living at home with my former husband and me during the time of the separation and divorce.

children of divorce (2)

To make my unique situation even more unique, I also had the privilege to be like a “spiritual parent” to hundreds of parishioners at my former husband’s church, that had been like family, often using the example of the marriage that my ex-spouse and I presented as an inspiration for their own. So having a 20+ year old at home at the time of my divorce, and having hundreds of others I interacted with daily, one thing that struck home for me is the possibility of them living with fear of a repeat offense. When it comes to divorce, I don’t have much to offer regarding experiential insight into weekend visitations, child support, holidays or the likes with the exception of the child’s welfare, well-being and ability to see two mature parents show their love for him or her and respect for each other being all that matters. What I can speak on is the fact that fear can be real, but it does NOT have the final say.


Let me first start by being spiritual. God has not given us a spirit of fear. Just check 2 Timothy 1:7. Now, with that out of the way, let me be honest and say that I can only imagine some people living with the thought of having the same fate in marriage as those they’d possibly observed, admired or lived through which ended in divorce.

Before that thought lingers any longer let me make a declaration to the devil regarding children of divorce. Their future is not destroyed by another person’s divorce. (Take that, loser!)

Concept of fearless

What children of divorce can do to avoid fear and failed marriage is:

  • Pray for healing. Don’t let fear or bitterness be an open door to an attack.
  • Ask question of the parents on what lessons were learned. (That is in no way a green light to get in their “bees-wax”, but an invitation to talk candidly about what they gained even through their pain.)
  • Learn from the past mistakes of others, but also monitor your own actions and intentions with your spouse.
  • Seek divorce counseling designed for the child’s perspective.
  • Seek pre-marital and marital counseling.
  • Don’t take on another persons battles.
  • Simply don’t entertain fear. If it comes, cast it out quickly with the Word of God.
  • Accept that another person’s problems will never trump God’s plans.
  • Realize that each person’s journey is custom-made by God.