Don’t Stop Loving You

I was recently watching an episode of the Steve Harvey Talk Show while he was interviewing Whitney Way Thore. Whitney is now becoming famous for her No Body Shame campaign, which is often called No B.S. I just love saying “No B.S.”! Anywho, Whitney details her journey with weight and took to YouTube to share some of her major dance moves that could put an “In Living Color” Fly Girl to shame. She can move, y’all! Check her out below.

More than the dance, it was her attitude and candor that captivated me. Through all her ups and downs she’d arrived at a place of self-love and acceptance.

Fast-forward to the week of my birthday and my bestie, Edith Arms sent an old photo from my 20s that showed me at one of my lowest adult weights. I was too thin. My arm looked to be just an ounce or two bigger than the wing of a pigeon.  With the exception of the time I went to the Student Health Center to be placed on a weight-gain plan by-in-large, I had no clue how small I was. Take a look at how I looked.20140315_165635 (2)

(That’s me at 115lbs as a 20-something-year-old. For a person that is 5 feet, 9 inches tall, that is thin. OAN, If you see the not-to-be-named “boyfriend at the time” pictured above tell him he’s made it to the big time in one of my blog posts.)

Rewind back a few months ago to me searching for pictures of myself for a #TBT (Throwback Thursday) and I found some reminders of my unwanted relationship with the other side of the scale also known as the 200s…as in pounds. I cringed when I saw the pictures, but oddly enough I don’t remember at all feeling too bad about myself when I actually was this way. Just like my thin years, through my thicker years, yes, I was aware of the weight gain. Yes, I definitely wanted to be smaller and yes, I wanted to be healthier, but I never stopped loving me and seeing me how I wanted to be.

Through medical trials, a hint of laziness, genes or whatever, I just can’t recall beating myself up for not being where I wanted to be. Now, absolutely, there were times I was frustrated to no end about clothes, or going from the smallest to the not-so-smallest in my circle, or had a bit of beach trepidation, but it didn’t stop me from loving me. Through the wiggles, jiggles, “oh mys” and “what in the world is going on with the scale” I decided to love me. Look at all I had to love:


(Say cheese! It’s me, at a 225lbs and smiling. Check out those rosy red cheeks and that hot red hair too!)

Me at 225lbs

(Here I am at 215lbs and still smiling.)


(My sister’s wedding was a special day. I was not only on a cane, but in a size 20 dress and still cheesing.)

The thing about when I was larger, as with the thing about weigh back then when I was too tiny, is that I didn’t let how I looked define who I was, or how I carried myself. Call me crazy. Call me caught up in what my Daddy (God) and daddy (Sylvester Scott) have said about me, but after a brief fling with low-self esteem in my teen years I just decided to love me even when I didn’t like what I would see.

I’ll be honest and say that my physical body is still not where I would desire it to be. Suzanne Somers and I have a regularly scheduled meeting with a Thigh Master. Recently turning 42, I realize I’m getting older and want to take care of some minor problems before they become major. I’d love to be able to go into any store and be certain that my size is available. I’d love to break up with the cellulite on my thighs. Plus, I’d love to be one of those people passed around with “ohhhs and ahhhs” on facebook as a “fit at 50” or “Can you believe she’s this age”. But for now, I’m super cool with Angela and love her regardless.

I thank Whitney Way Thore for the gentle reminder of tolerating no B.S., especially when it comes from within. Regardless where you are in the scale of life don’t stop loving you.


If I’m So Great Why Am I Single?

“If I’m so great why am I single?”

WHAT the WHAT?!?!? Those were the words that popped into my mind when I had to do a double take at the television last year at the time of this posts initial posting, like I saw Idris Elba and Ronnie DeVoe walking down the street toward me. A young woman on the Steve Harvey Talk Show uttered those words and I nearly froze in my track.


She, like so many, had a simple question, “If I’m so great why am I single?” First off, she had a sincere desire to be married, sharing the rest of her life with someone. She was professional, poised, and accomplished. She was loving and kind. She was surrounded by great associations (who later offered their honest opinion as an answer to her pressing question). She had relinquished the previous timelines for her life she’d set. She wanted all of the blessings of marriage and was prepared to do what she needed to improve within herself in order to enjoy it the right way. Yet, still, she, like so many of us, was single.


Whew, I don’t know about you other unmarried men or women, but having been single until age 29 and then suddenly single again following a divorce at 38, now snuggly in my 40s I have pondered, and down-right pouted about this question more times than this blog post can handle. Why, why and why are words I do battle with often.


I’ll be the first to say that I am a Christian and I fully understand and accept essential aspects like God’s timing, His word, will and purpose regarding marriage. I understand Him needing to know He’s first, and will stay first before releasing us to anyone else. I understand the preparation process of Him working on me, while working on the person I’m to spend the rest of my life with, and I know that process can be a long one. I understand marriage being like “lay-away”. God’s not going to give it until we can afford to have it. I believe marriage is more than about having someone to change the light bulbs, cook a meal, “cuddle” with or share the bills. I understand that really, marriage is like the blueprint that lays the foundation to amazing architecture that supports generations. I realize marriage is less about the meeting of two people and more about the combining of purpose. I get that. As the kids of old use to say, “been there, done that.” But, those things didn’t stop me, after hearing the guest on the talk show, from internally asking that question and then pressing deeper to some practical things I, or any other unmarried man or woman can address as we wait. So I’ve decided to really, really, really try hard to focus on adding another sentence or two to my “Why am I single?” inquiry.


Ask these things the next time you are up against the “whys”, but brace yourself and be prepared for the answer AND the action it requires to move you forward and make you even greater.

  • Why am I single? Is it because I’ve not fully healed from past relationships like childhood and family matters, dating disasters, or failed marriage?
  • Why am I single? Is it because there are personal and personality traits within me that simply won’t fit who God has waiting? What worked for Billy won’t always work for Bob, boo! And, hey buddy! What worked for Brenda won’t automatically work for Belinda? (I just love rhyming.)
  • Why am I single? Is it because I need to learn to open up my world and way of being again to another? Divorce, or being single for an exceptionally long period of time has a way of making being unmarried really comfortable. I’d like to think that it’s a coping mechanism many of us strong people possess where we adapt to our circumstances in an effort to stay sane…and out of jail or a mental institution. A “satisfied and single, handling my own business, just God and me are all that matters” mindset is great to have when we need it, but must move out of the way when we don’t.
  • Why am I single? Is it because there are some hindering things in me or about me that I don’t see that others do see that I need to ask friends and family about so I can take care of them.
  • Why am I single? Is it because at this juncture in life my time, attention and focus are needed to help others…parents, children, siblings with children, ministry responsibilities, career advancement, etc?
  • Why am I single? Is it because I say I want to marry or be married again, but deep down I’ve not fully bought into the notion of a blessed, long-lasting marriage and feel that if I do get married it will by unhappy or end in divorce, with an unfortunate mix of cheating, financial struggles, drama from ex’s, and the makings of a good/bad reality show?