“I never heard your side”. Those were the words that were spoken to me during a general and genteel conversation about insurance that somehow drifted to the topic of my now three-year-old divorce. Hearing those words from this individual that was mutually connected to my ex-husband and me somehow felt as comforting as a bowl of piping hot vegetable soup, homemade from my mother’s stove on a chilly December night. I needed to hear that. Within those words I heard something I’d longed to hear, not from this person, but from anyone who might have heard the “initial story” and may not have heard the actual truth.
Not that my situation was any more horrible than anyone else going through a divorce. It wasn’t and I’ve heard of stories far more damaging than mine. But wanting to shout to the world why a husband really left and how things had been years and years prior to, but being made by God to be silent, kind, loving, prayerful and positive made it extra hard when opinions of various other parties and their perspectives were being shared on a larger scale and sadly believed by some who didn’t know you and by some whom you clearly didn’t know like you thought you did. To this day I often size up some people I see in the “questionable” category. Upon view of them I wonder, “which side of the story do you believe” or “how could you ever believe ANY side of the story when you didn’t take the time to hear mine.” That’s not productive in my life. I realize that so I work on it as often as I see someone who falls into that “questionable” category:)
One thing I’ve learned is that pain (spiritual, emotional, financial, mental, physical, etc.) often clouds your clarity, and taints truth. Those factors lend a lot to divorce, or any circumstance that causes a rift in a previously established relationship or association. I get that and try to keep that in mind when dealing with anyone that has a distorted view, but that still doesn’t make the sting of being on the other end of that tainted cloudiness any easier to bear. One thing I’ve also learned is that it’s easier to spread something bad, negative or damaging, but much more difficult to clean it up as the true truth unfolds. So to those on the listening end of whatever is being shared, please be careful of what you hear and hold on to. One day you may find out it was actually untrue.
Whether it be due to divorce, failed friendships, ended family associations, job dissension, church squabbles or simple “falling out” I don’t know who this is for, but before settling on a side of the story be certain to know the entire book. There’s often a voice and a view that hasn’t been heard and deserves to.